The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I ONLY came to al-anon because I was completely defeated, on my knees and had no where else to go. I had to change, it was not much of a choice for me. Not everyone experiences this, so it's easy for me to let go of what my family (or anyone) does or doesn't do. They have not hit a bottom. I did. Doesn't make me a plus or a minus, it's just my journey to God. Everyone has their own Higher power, and everyone has their own journey.
It was my experience, the swings of good days and bad days eventually level off. The high highs and the low lows level off, and we get more steady. We don't take the "bad" stuff as badly as we once did because we keep PRACTICING the steps, which builds a relationship with higher power, so we trust more, and our faith increases....
In the beginning, I only had book knowledge about how it works. Practicing it is a completely different thing, it's not easy because none of these new ideas came naturally to me, in fact, they are the opposite of what I'd do naturally...
It was like a baby learning to walk, it never stands up and starts cruising on the first try, and neither did I....
And it seems that once I get a handle on one area, another "opportunity" pops up, lol. Life just goes on. And on and on and on...
Some days, I don't know why I am out of sorts, I can be doing all the "right" things that work well for me, and still not feel okay. This happened just yesterday, I was feeling rather "dark." So I phoned my sponsor and the first thing she asked was, "Is it that time of the month again?"
lol
She knew. I forget. Every month I forget!!!!
One day at a time, stay in the day, and not take it all so seriously... that's all I gotta do.
-- Edited by glad lee on Wednesday 15th of February 2012 03:39:26 PM
__________________
The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Is this common. I believe one of the readers either today or yesterday talked about it and it really spoke to me.
In al-anon recovery its like waves. I will feel really hopeful and like I am making progress and then I will plummet. Nose dive back into my old ways and struggle. I also get like my brain is in overload at times, like mentally I cannot take on anymore al-anon. Haha. But then it comes around and I feel stronger than ever
Right now I feel very calm and at ease with my recovery. I am exactly where I am supposed to be with it. Like the lake of my spirit is tranquil or something. I think I feel like they say "be still with your HP." I am open to hear whatever is presented and take what I like. I am okay with being wherever I am at in my recovery, today. Just a week ago, however, I was almost manic. I felt I was losing touch with my HP and like I was really trying to control things I had no control over.
Attending meetings and getting on here really helped. try to remind myself this too shall pass, in good times and in bad. Its weird because when things get real bad for me I feel like I almost need to just throw the towel in and crawl in a hole. I think its my old black and white way of thinking. This stuff takes time. I am grateful I have a program and I have to remind myself that the serenity that some old time members have took years to acquire. I have felt slices of this serenity and peace, however, that I have only found through al-anon and connecting with my HP closely. Its incredible and when it leaves I want to cry. Then I do cry. Then I peel myself off the floor and start again.
You guys on this board help me so much. There is so much knowledge floating around in the virtual atmosphere. I went to a meeting Monday night and I realized something about my childhood. I don't know if my Mom is an alcoholic or an untreated al-anon. I dont know what my Dad was. I know that I can relate to what they say about adult children of alcoholics, I am classic second born clown, my older brother is classic over achieving first born. And third child is the quiet withdrawn one, and the baby is definitely scape goat. Someone in the meeting was talking about this and my jaw dropped. But what I have realize is this: whatever went on in my childhood.. it was what it was. I am grateful for the love between us. But now I need al-anon. It helps me. I am growing and changing. So that is all I need to really know. I feel sad when I think of myself sort of running this marathon and my Mom, Dad, and brothers are still on the start line. But its not their faults, they have the blinders up over their eyes like I always had. You don't know til you know and nothing changes til it changes. I can see clearer now, and though I get overwhelmed at times. I am thankful that I have the oppurtunity to Let it Begin with Me so that some day when I have children (???) it can be different.
I got off topic but I was just curious about others' experiences with the ups and downs of al-anon and what helped you get through the low times. I know I have to feel the emotions and I cant just bury them and be bubbly, happy again. I know it does not work that way. Just wondering what others have experienced in this area of recovery?
__________________
Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
I very much relate to just about everything you said. I believe it takes a lot out of us to be diligently working on ourselves and sometimes I need to slow down to absorb and apply what I learn. Right now I am working the steps with my sponsor and had to back off reading Al-anon books except my daily readers. I didn't want to burn out, but we are human. I fight perfection and acceptance at times, but when I give myself a little time and space it happens. I began realizing I was an ACOA after attending for awhile and it took a lot of time and energy, but it all started making sense than I could accept it and move forward still loving my FOO, but with a better awareness. It really is about progress not perfection, so be gentle. I now make it a point to relax and find joy and blessings in my life so i don't feel like I am always s trudging along. It is hard work, but so worth it for me. Keep up the great program! Sending you love and support!
__________________
Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I just replied to pineapple's post about slipping and getting back up. I'm having a low time now. I haven't been to meetings in a long time (in all fairness it is very hard with my schedule) but I've been seriously slipping with my reading and keeping up with the positive thoughts. I think I am pinning too much on what others think and do, and trying to mentally force solutions to things beyond my control. I think this is all a reminder that I need to steep myself into this again. I am going to pick up c2c again, remind myself "easy does it" and "how important is it" and try to nip the negative thoughts in the bud. It is also really helpful to know that I'm not alone in these feelings and how universal they are. Thanks for posting this.
I've found that it's just a natural course of events when I'm working my recovery in Al-Anon. I know I'll have good times and I know I'll have bad times. Awareness and acceptance keep those bad times from being devastating. Remembering "this, too, shall pass" keeps me level, and reminding myself over and over again "there is nothing good or bad, only thinking makes it so" helps give me the ability to make a decision and change my attitude.
I definitely relate to what you're all saying, because I go through peaks and valleys too. I'm sure it's perfectly normal, but it doesn't always make you feel any better or make it any easier, does it? *hug* Just the other day I hit a low point in my recovery when I started to worry about what would happen if my ABF relapsed. He hasn't relapsed yet, and who's to say it will even happen? Maybe it will, maybe it won't. But I shouldn't make things any more stressful than they already are by trying to predict the future and I know I should focus more on my life and needs than on what might happen. Today I'm feeling more peaceful, but I could very well feel differently this evening or tomorrow or a few days from now. I'm human, and I have human emotions. And I'm starting to realize that my emotions are ok! As long as I don't give into them and stay in those low points for too terribly long. When I go through those low periods, I jump on the board and read everyone's messages, or I attend Al Anon, and I try to release the thoughts to my HP. I ask myself "how important is this" that I'm giving my attention to it. No matter what, I repeat to myself over and over "I'm doing my best. I'm doing my best. I'm doing my best." Because really, I am. I'm doing the best I can. And that's all that can be expected of me right now. The same goes with you! *hug* Thank you for posting this!!
thanks everyone, you really help me.. without getting too personal I do think PMS took over my recovery about two weeks ago hahahaha. New water Im treading here in al-anon and its been quite the journey thus far. Nice to know others' recoveries have the ups and downs and, though, i do look forward to leveling off so that my lows arent so low.. the highs have been rather exciting and I will miss feeling so alive just to breathe and look around. I hope I get to keep that. :0) Hope everyone is having a nice day!!
__________________
Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
In my opinion, if we too are addicts, then our brain chemistry has slight alterations in the reward pathway. We are addicted to the addict, the drama the checking up, the adrenaline.
If that is the case, then the addiction recovery will go up and down as our brain chemicals re adjust through our learning and adapting.
It is waves... I think I sent you a message once about that also.
Sometimes my ups and downs relate to hormones... sometimes not....
I don't know if this will translate directly into your alanon experience but in AA, we do call those happy bubbly times "pink clouds" and they come and go. Early on in recovery, you are learning so much valuable and positive stuff that you have period of time where you are like "YES! I now understand! This explains everything!" Then some more of life shows up or something crappy happens and you are like "Dang. I guess I didn't know squat. That wasn't the answer after all."
NOW - The truth is that every "pink cloud" is a point where you are getting a partial truth and then you return to more growing pains which hurt and feel like low points. The ups are periods of enlightenment and the downs are periods of painful growth. I say this from looking back on my own recovery. It's just important that you remember it's ALL part of recovery, so don't give up when you are not feeling happy and like everything is peachy :) Over time it will even out into something less dramatic but you having greater confidence that you can handle whatever comes your way without reverting to old behaviors.
Great question Michelle! I really like all the esh, and pinkchip's words really helped calm me. I am feeling very separate from the program and my recovery today. I'm making more outreach calls, checking in here more often, and just letting it be and reminding myself that this will pass. I guess I am starting to panic less when I am feeling low, which is good progress for me. Thanks for this topic today! Perfect timing for me.
Hahaha - PMS - that one always throws me for a loop, too, Michelle.
I actually keep much better track of my cycle now (hooray for iPhone apps). I ask myself more and more often when I'm feeling kinda "blah"... could I be PMSing? I actually can tell you more often than not, the answer is usually "YES!"
I am sooo glad a bloke said something about the PMS front. Yes my hormones make a difference, but that isn't the only reason.......
I don't like it much when I partner asks if my hormones are unstable if I am angry with him sometimes my response is "maybe.. but that doesn't mean you aren't being a B" He just giggles and walks away.
Its great to keep on eye on hormones and use HALT, but that isn' t always the reason.....
Whenever I feel disconnected I go to a meeting or I come here or I read something. I am doubly blessed to be in more than one fellowship and fortunate enough to work where I do. I'm involved with a local transition home for alcoholics and addicts so going to work for me is like going to a meeting, like walking into a room full of mirrors. And although I've been around a while it doesn't mean I'm all better yet. And I often wish I knew half of what everyone thinks I think I know. I remember being in a meeting once and the guy on my left was sharing about how lousy his day was and someone said Don't Worry This Too Shall Pass. Then the guy on my right shared about all the joys and miracles he'd encountered in recovery and the heckler said Don't Worry This Too Shall Pass. That put my day into perspective. So whatever is going on Don't Worry.
Love all your shares Michelle. I listen to you but I hear me.
