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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Haven't posted for a while.. triggered and a bit lhigh strung
Post Info TOPIC: Haven't posted for a while.. triggered and a bit lhigh strung
Lindaoakford


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Haven't posted for a while.. triggered and a bit lhigh strung
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I haven't posted for a while. I have tried a few times but my internet access seemed to drop out, or it disappeared into the internet world somewhere...

My last session with my psychologist nearly a fortnight ago knocked me around a bit.  I posted the letter here I think.

I am feeling better now but I was very emotional for a while there.  I also had more 'issues' with my friend whom I have been helping, when she haemorrhaged and we thought there would be more problems, I had to take her to the Emergency Department etc etc.

I was just soooo tired. 

Also, as some of you may remember, I have an issue with going out alone, without my husband, and leaving him at home alone.  It is my issue and it is my control issue that he will do something that I may not like.  You may or may not remember my past posts about last time I have gone out.... there was a stink of pot in the house when I got home.. another time there was.. well.. stuff done that he knew I wouldn't like and I saw evidence of it.

So... I was also very stressed on Friday night about going out alone with a friend who had flown in for her birthday dinner from interstate.  Also having had an emotional week with my other friend and my own issues, plus my husband was having some stress with his professional sporting career.

That day I was crying at work, very emotional.  I was very stressed.  BUT.. I went out.  I made myself do it.

I really wanted to check up on what he had done.  I DIDNT.  I didn't check his pot drawer.  I didn't question him too much.  It has been really hard not to check up on him.  I literally had to talk to myself all over again.

To add to that... I have booked a trip for work back to the town where I met my husband.  He is coming with me because his kids live there.  (turning 21 and 16 the same month as I visit, I planned it that way).  BUT that also means he will spend the week not working.. surrounded by his old mates... all total pot heads and heavy drinkers.  The same people that come to stay with us occassionally.  I feel like I am diving into the den of debauchery.... and pushing him into it also.

I spoke to him last night about my concerns.  He agreed that yes, he will be getting stoned often when we are there.  I will just have to make myself and my plans known.  I have booked a dinner early on the first night so he can see his kids, and a dinner with friends in a public place on the second night.  I have asked for the third night to be just us two, and then we fly back on the fourth night.

He will be getting stoned every day during the day.  I have suggested to him that he spend a day with his kids but I know he won't organise it.  I won't organise that for him at all.

So.. I am trying to hand things over.  I don't feel I am handling things very well, I am getting a bit snappy, I am forgetting my HP and I am taking things back onto my own shoulders.

I do however feel I have mastered the QTIP bit about his smoking.  He isn't going to smoke on our trip because of me, its because that is what he does.  I am concerned about what will happen after hte trip, if it triggers something in him to go back smoking full time again.

Projection is dangerous and I am trying to hand it over and just say what will be will be.  Also, we are going to Asia in 6 weeks.. and he has mentioned that he would like to try some of the stuff there if its on offer... I told him if he goes to prison, I will not change my holidays plans and I will not fight to get him out of Thai jail.  It would be his own consequences.

I am feeling a bit high strung.......



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Linda - a work in progress
stephaniej


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I'm so sorry to hear it has been a rough stretch, but so encouraged by all the self-awareness in your post.  I really, truly believe that is half the battle for us Al-Anoners.  You are doing great!



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Mattie


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There is a lot going on, it's no wonder that you're feeling it.  It takes a lot of energy to live constantly among things that are stressful.  The question that occurs to me is whether this is really the way you want to live.  Does it seem comfortingly familiar somehow?  To have a lot of dysfunction around, or to be the one who gives up preferences on what kind of society you live around?  Please forgive if these questions are intrusive (and I don't mean for you to answer them "out loud," just issues to think about).  It sounds like a stressful situation in an ongoing sense.  Please take good care of yourself.



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Debilyn


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I am sad you are having a hard time.

I see you working hard on program though, good for you!

You got me thinking about how though their disease is none of our business we still care about the concequences of it if it is illegal. Or even the physical ones of them hurting their body.

We don't have to comment on that, it may be something we must accept as the parts we cannot change.

I am horribly sad how insane my ex AH is. Dreamed about him last night and the things he did to get his stuff. Was awful. So I know I have deep feeling still stuck in there.

Am glad you shared Linda. Please have a good time hon! I would invite you to be glad you have him to be with, talk to, sleep with, bump heads with. I cannot even remember what it feel like to have skin on skin!

Taking things as they come has really helped me in my life.

Sending you hugs and hope. If you post pics of you guys and you what you wore on your fb that would be cool!.

hope his job is ok. love,debilyn



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Lindaoakford


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Deb... I put a photo up of Friday night on Facebook on Friday night.
It was my friends birthday. I think I also put one up one of her visiting me and my girls (fluffy dogs) the next day too.
I maaaaaay have put one up of my godson who turned two.. her son.

I do appreciate that I have him. I know he loves me very much. I very much appreciate his skin as he has a lovely shaped skin over that muscled body hehehe. He is a handsome man in my opinion.

I believe we are communicating honestly and openly again which is great. The addict hasn't come to visit for a couple of months but I know he will again.

We talked about the addict last night. He called himself a pothead. I said, but you aren't smoking right now (mainly just to see what he said) and he replied... once a pot head always a pot head.. just like an alcoholic.

I agreed he was an addict no matter what the substance was and told him how much he has been drinking lately. He just agreed.

I feel so much better when I hand it over... I have forgotten my HP I think .... Its not mine to keep or to deal with.. I have to have faith and trust in the Universe and she can handle anything!!!!!

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Linda - a work in progress
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Haven't posted for a while.. triggered and a bit lhigh strung