The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Okay, I do this thing on facebook. I will want to post a status of a saying that I love like today I posted "I am not perfect and that is fine with me". I really like that saying and posted it......only to go back and delete it 2 minutes later. I start thinking that someone will think I am weird ect ect...it is a vicous cycle. I feel bad about myself that I always do this to myself. I don't really do it here because I feel very accepted but on facebook (my hubby calls it fakebook lol) I always somehow feel like I need to be accepted. I am learning (this is a hard one for me) that my worth doesn't depend on others approval. I am just now embarrassed that I erased my post when someone probably already saw it and then realized I erased it. I wish I was more confident and didn't care what others though. I have really backed off of facebook these last few months because FOR ME, I just feel it can be superficial and most of my friends aren't really friends. This is just my experience. This must be a co-dependant thing. I hate the yucky feelings that come along with this.
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It is very difficult to have a pity party when I am celebrating all the gratitude I have in my life!
It will aither work out, . . . or, . . . It will work out."
Hi, I always hate it when someone says they are co-dependant because that has no meaning for me. I think you are just shy. I think you care about the vibes that you put out there for other people. I think you just care. Yes, I am supposed to not care about someone's opinion of me. That I have to live up to MY standards and only MY standards. But, the reality is that we live with other people and we rub elbows with our close living quarters and it is foolish to put something out there that will cause question marks to come up into people's heads. That is just being self-protective.
How funny, fear of what people will think of me and the things I might say is one of the reasons I don't do Facebook. My sis in law only does it to look at what other people, her friends mind you, write and then she makes fun of it! Sheesh! Also I just am too private, isolated perhaps is a better word, to do Facebook. I think it is codependent, we just care far too much what other people think of us. I hope I can change someday, Im trying and so are you and that's progress;)
I can relate to what you are saying about the uncertainty of posts on social networking sites. For me, it mostly has to do with being concerned if people will fully understand my intent and if not, will it be a hassle to try and explain it to them, where I was coming from and why I didn't mean to offend them, etc etc.... ? Perception of others is certainly not something that we can control and I try to limit the amount of fuel I give people to misinterpret me!! This may stem from living with an A, who I always felt misinterpretted me and my actions and my intentions - that led me to selfdoubt and chaos...
and then I found alanon! And I am a work in progress....Thank goodness for that!
I really like the saying "what someone thinks of me is none of my business." Step four in Al-Anon has us look closely at the characteristics in ourselves that are no longer useful. Go easy on yourself... one day at a time. Your fear of what others think could be something you can inventory when you get to step four. It was really nice to do my inventory. I plan to do it again someday. I often worry what others think of me, though, it is something I have been handing over to my HP lately because I can't control what others think. I realize that when I worried so much who was judging me was when I was spending alot of time judging others. I think most people do the best they can with what they've got, now... so I try not to judge others... its a characteristic I have decided is no longer necessary. I still have facebook and I'm pretty okay with people saying whatever they want about my updates now, its their business. Though, I don't post often.. they are usually about the God of my understanding or just things that make me happy, videos, etc.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
What others think of me is none of my business but what I think of me is my responsibility. The program of Al-Anon helped me to get to know the one person I had lived my entire life with and knew nothing about...ME and I found out that what I thought of myself could hurt me much more than what others did or didn't. I was my own worse enemy and I hurt myself much more than anyone else had ever. So I had to get to know the human male, child of God that I was and to learn how to accept myself good stuff and bad and love myself as my HP loves me ...Unconditionally...
Pencils have erasers so that we can go back and erase stuff we write that isn't correct. It's a part of learning; and for sure I can do the same thing with a computer and often do. big (((((((hugs)))))))
Hi Daisy - your post made me think, hmmm, what IS co-dependency anyway? Did a quick search and came to a Wikipedia page on the word - describes it pretty well, for me anyway. Cheers!
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Love Jerry's share. I have come to accept that all my character defects were what worked for me then. I did the best I could with what I had.. Now I have more tools in the toolbox... so grateful for al-anon, self awareness, and the courage to change. It works if you work it, youre worth it!!!
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
Well I will say that I am more of an introvert and so I am more private about things so that does play a role in things but I do know that I seek approval often.
The awareness is KEY though and that is happening currently. What I think about myself does hurt me more than what anyone else can ever think of me. I grew up never being important or valued and so I am just "reprogramming" my mind, body, and spirit, to have a knowing of who I really am....and that is God's child. It's a beautiful thing really. It has been a long long journey of learning to accept myself. I look forward to doing the steps because I know that I will be able to forgive others and myself for the pain. I am no longer a victim though. I lived too much of my life playing that role. I am not powerless. I am aware and taking baby steps in learning to surrender to my HP who has loved me all along and who has always approved of me.
Just a quick side note on this too....has anyone ever heard the analogy that "what feels light and good to you is truth for you and what feels heavy and dark to you is a lie for you"? (This doesn't apply to Alcohol or drugs though haha)
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It is very difficult to have a pity party when I am celebrating all the gratitude I have in my life!
It will aither work out, . . . or, . . . It will work out."
I am not sure if you would call it codependent I do think it is wonderful that you looking inside yourself for motives
I would like to point out that facebook is merely a social media... it is not compulsory to participate.
I find facebook has such a huge hold on our lives and our thoughts... what someone posted or didn't post.. who hit the 'like' button and who didn't... it is not a self reflection, it is a computerised application and that is all it is.
Having said that, I am on it every day. For me it is merely another method of staying in touch with my family and friends interstate. It is not a reflection of me. I really think facebook has alot to answer for and we give it more of our power than is deemed warranted.
Merely my thoughts... take what you like and leave the rest.
