The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My AH has relapsed. Smoking pot daily. So many don't know why it bothers me so much, but it does. I am trying to remain calm but I feel like my life is falling apart in front of my very eyes. My son is getting D's and F's in school, he is in middle school. He doesn't care and I don't know what to do. My daughter is an attention hog which gives me so much guilt every time I leave the house for work. I feel like my AH makes every excuse in the book on why he cannot look for a job right now. I feel like I have no one to talk to but am so very scared to call anyone and talk about it. F2F meeting are so hard for me to get to as I don't trust my husband being along with my kids as I fear he will say something stupid or fall asleep. I know it is just pot but we have been through so much I just dont want him to make anything worse. I tried talking to my AH. Big mistake. Made me look like a fool telling him my feelings. I should have known better that he doesn't have the mental capacity to understand my feelings. Oh well. I tried the online meetings but I am on the west coast so 6am is just too early for me. I just about had a nervous breakdown yesterday, but am calmer today. Maybe because I went to work and got my mind off the madness. Thanks for listening.
I am glad you found us and were able to share. Living with the effects of the disease of addiction is so very painful . Breaking the isolation, finding sincere emotional support , learning new tools to live by are some of the advantages of connecting with alanon members. It is unfortunate that you cannot connect with Face to Face meetings and the on line meetings are not a good time for you.
"Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice is an excellent book to encourage you on your journey
Know you are not alone and posting here will give you the understanding and love that you deserve
Thank you hotrod for your kind words. I have read Getting Them Sober #1 and #2. I think I am really wanting interaction with other people that have been there done that. The hardest part for me is that my addict, is a marijuana addict and not many take it seriously. Heck, it seems everyone I know does it occasionally.
Thanks for being here. I have got to find a way to get to meetings!
I'm glad you're here. There are certainly people on here whose "qualifiers" have marijuana as their issue, and a number whose qualifiers have a whole variety of issues. We need all the support we can get. I wonder if you can find a meeting with childcare -- someone at the central number where you live should be able to tell you. It sounds as if your son may be old enough for Alateen (maybe your daughter too?). That could help him with what's making it difficult at school as well. I imagine the issues with his dad are apparent to him. You're carrying a big load and that's not easy. Please get as much support as you can. Hugs.
Look how many people drink alcohol -- and many are not addicted to it!
Same with pot...many can use it recreationally without getting addicted.
It sounds like that is not the case with your A. It's not the substance, its the ADDICTION that is the problem, so you are not over-reacting.
And...if you start down the path of forbidding him to smoke it...ten to one he will lie to you about use etc etc ..the way any other addict would. Alanon can help you with the tools to not get codependent...and make matters worse...like I have done in the past!
The fact that you have asked the question "is it ME?" makes me know you are in the right place, among alanon-ers.
Hi, I am so sorry you are having such a hard time right now. I was really uncomfortable with it at first, but when I couldn't get to meetings often enough (we have a 2 and 5 yr old), I started making outreach calls from the phone lists I got from meetings. Even complete strangers. It felt awkward, and I had to keep calling until someone was available, but I just needed some immediate support. When I was able to reach someone and share my troubles, it helped me tremendously, especially at night when I was home with the children, and my AH was out drinking. I will always be grateful to those kind souls on the phone who helped me get through some very difficult times in the begining of my recovery--glad you are here! Sending you support and understanding!
dragonflys, I am glad you posted. I felt weird at first reaching out to others and calling people but I just had to do it because I was a mess. A wise woman said to me "The only way I was able to take my step 12 was because someone else was taking their step 1." I always thinks of that now when I don't want to call someone or talk about my feelings. People in Al-Anon want to help. Maybe if you can get to one meeting and get a phone list then you will have more options of ways to get help and just interaction with others. I think it is really crucial. Wish I could hug you. We are all here for you on the board. Keep us posted.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
Havent posted in a very long time. Needed sometime to gather and learn more about myself and my relationship with the alcoholic. Even though we have been apart now 5 years. We still have a friendship of sorts.
Just from your title "It must be me" I can tell that your taking on more than you should. You cant be held responsible for every waking moment or for everything that goes on in your house.
I found out that faking letting go and really letting go make a big difference. You really have to be ready to do the work. No excuses. Things will continue in one big vicious circle until you decide to make a change, nothing changes unless something changes.
HI dragonflys I am here for a pot smoking husband also... PM me if you want. I understand that it is common for others to think.. whats the issue.. its only a bit of pot.... But it isn't.. its addiction and that is the issue
Sure many people smoke pot.. I have been told to get over it.. he isn't injecting or off his head aggressive or pissed and yelling at me.....
I don't care what they say... I don't like the pot smoking when it is an addiction.
In support of all the MIPers whose qualifiers are involved with marijuana...((HUGS)) to you all. I once had a friend I cared very deeply about, who was a daily pot smoker. He went to rehab multiple times, and described pot as his best friend AND his worst enemy.
