Hello everyone!

I am having an extraordinary Monday, let me tell you.  I have been focusing on just a couple things lately because my brain began to malfunction and shut down from Al-Anon overload. Hahahaha!

I want to thank everyone who provides me with ESH on this board.  This is my life saver when I am in between f2f meetings.

I am feeling alive again. I don't know if it is because of the sun shining or the coffee but I feel, very much, like things are just... okay, in the world. Lately, I have been able to put things in my HP's hands, figuratively speaking. I feel my serenity returning to my spirit and bones. I feel at ease again.

I have been focusing on my powerlessness lately and in the process I feel more in control than ever before.. OF WHAT I CAN.. my moods, my emotions, my assumptions.  I feel I can live and let live. I did not realize how much I was trying to control again until I put my focus back on just that. It sort of started to go down hill for me when I had that family party.  It was hard to be around everyone drinking and all the madness that comes with it.  I have forgiven myself for the way I behaved, which was not horrible, but it was not very al-anon-esque. What's done is done now and I can move forward with my recovery. 

My sponsor will be home Thursday and we have a coffee date. She has been gone a very long while, which is what happens when you work hard your whole life and then get to retire.. you go on sweet vacations!!  I am happy for her because she has had so much fun, I know, but I must say, I am relieved she is returning. 

So my focus has been on live and let live and my powerlessness.  In the process I have been feeling this closeness with my HP again.  It's my time to smile just because I woke up today and the sun is shining.  My husband and I have Valentine's Day plans and they are to wake up at 6AM and go for a long walk before work.  After work I am going to try kickboxing for the very first time.  Wish me luck.  I know my moods sway. It comes and goes when I am down, then up again. I guess its this early recovery stuff. I think I have a concept down pretty well and then a bomb bursts and pieces of my serenity go flying everywhere, all around me. But I know my happiness lies within and I know how to get there. Its just a matter of seeking and accepting help from my HP. I feel disconnected and connected to people around me, if that makes sense.  The better I become at detaching and letting go of my illusion of power, the closer I actually feel to my friends and family.  They are free to be them, mistakes and all, and I am as well. Its refreshing. 

Thank you, my friends, for being there for me during hard times and the good. I very much appreciate each of you.