The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I been going through some health problems. and they thought I had cancer they wanted to do a biopsy. I was getting scared I never asked my AH for support in years. He knew what I was going through so he said he would go with me. I never told him how scared I was I just acted my strong self as I always been in our 33 yr marriage. I drove home from my appointment coz he came home early that day to take me and started drinking, I did not know how much or what time he got home coz I work nights and set my alarm and herd him down stairs but we were to meet at the Docs office. But there he was home drinking. Well he came with me. My mom knew I was having it and so did a few friends. On the way home he said don't say any thing to any one I here for you I got big shoulders for you to cry on. Felt nice BUT I don't trust him in my heart. Its been hurt alot by him. Not a word was spoken on the way home. other than are you ok to drive coz I had some to drink at home before we left I shouldnt. Hummm.
I walked in the door and my cell phone was ringing. it was my mom to see how I was . He asked who it was I said my mom he went crazy Verbal Abuse the rest of the night threw things at me told me to sleep in the other bedroom. Then gave me the silent treatment for 2 days. All he does is drinks Ladies and Gents It does get worse I never thought it would but I see it with my own eyes. There are days that he falls asleep and wakes up in the morning and gets a beer very sick.
I'm so hurt All my dreams shattered I stayed with this man I feel like I can't get out. The house we live in is my inharintence from my mom. I raised 4 boys with him 1 is just like him I blame myself. I just have to get rid of this fairy tale in my head of a good happy marriageand till death do us part. And maybe I can leave all this pain. I lost myself I want to find her again.
Thank You all for being here coz when I can't get to my meeting I come here all the time and keep up on the post even thou i don't post any thing. Boy thanks for letting me open up.
DEB
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I put my hand in yours and together we can do what we could not do alone.
So sorry you are dealing with this without much support. I hope you have more of a support team in place or you will get one. You deserve to be supported through good times and even the difficult ones. They can't give what they don't have, that kind of support is kind of beyond them when they are active in the disease.
Sending you prayers for healing, love and support, hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
DEB, It was really hard for me when I realized that the plans and dreams I had for my marriage, just could not be. My therapist told me I had to "grieve the life I thought I would have" and that really did help. My therapist also told me that even though I did not know it or think now... the life I ended up with could be far better than I thought. I think she was right now. I am one of the al-anoners who chose to stay with her AH. I cant say what will happen down the road but what I have found is when I stopped focusing on what my husband was or was not doing and just started doing things for me (attending meetings, exercising, hanging out w friends, reading books, listening to my music, praying to my HP for His will and for courage and strength and hope.) man, I found courage and strength and hope. Don't get me wrong, I have my bad days where I just want to scream. But then I do scream. I reach out to someone in the program like my sponsor or a good friend. I read my al-anon literature. DEB, you are so worth peace and serenity in your life.. and you can have that whether your husband drinks or not. It is a disease and I feel compassion for your husband as well as for you. I hope everything works out with the biopsy.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
Thanks Everyone !! I am a quiet person I think because Of the isolation. At my meetings I'm quiet and listen sometimes cry its just hard to trust for me. I feel welcome at the meetings I LOVE them, but I will get to the point of talking more. Geeses I been going for many many years (ala-kid, ala- teen, al-anon). I still married him. That night I got all mt Al-Anon books out and read them 10 in all my years. I got a lot of peace from reading them.
Michelle When you wrote That quote "I have to grieve the life I thought I would have" and I wrote some things down I missed and took it to my counsler and I talked and cried it was a good thing to go through and thanks for that too. I learn so much from here. GOD BLESS John for getting it started. God, Prayer & Faith got me through the death of our second son Adam. Sometimes I feel like he don't here me with this. Maybe I have to do it on my own HP it speaking to quiet or i'm just not listining.
Peace, DEB
-- Edited by peacewithin on Monday 13th of February 2012 02:31:30 AM
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I put my hand in yours and together we can do what we could not do alone.
My prayers are with you. I also had to give up "the dream". I had to tell myself to get out of Fantasyland. It is what it is. It is a good idea to reach out for help from your friends and not the hubby. I hope and pray all your tests come out okay.
