The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Can anyone recommend books other than "Getting Them Sober"? I already have vol 1&2. I am looking for something in the Kindle Store. The nearest bookstore is 35 mins away, but I'd be happy to drive to get some good ones.
I also can't find any FTF meetings on Saturday afternoons or Sundays. I own a business, so my hours are erratic. When I don't have work I have two small children. It's getting very difficult to figure out what will work during the week without having to pay sitters after not seeing my daughter all day & shared visitation with her dad.
My ABF has mentioned that he wants to go out tonight about 100 times today. He took our son to his mom's house while I worked all day - he does not work and I'm financially responsible for everything, and I work from home a lot so I do 1/2 to 3/4 of the child care also. He is staying for an extra 2 hours so "I can have alone time," which is just giving him reason to have his own alone time with alcohol tonight. He has spent more quality time with our partying neighbor than he has with me for the last 6 months: visits him 2-3 times/day, 6 hour blocks of time twice this week, phone calls, texts messages, and tonight he wants to go play poker with him. I wish I got 1/10 of the attention he gives this guy. I wish he wanted to do something with me, so I could actually have a relationship with him.
My bff's mom is acting as my "sponsor", while I look for a FTF time that'll work with my schedule. She has been through the gamut of addiction & rehab, therapies, AA, AAN, with her husband, and is encouraging me to pack a bag and tell him to leave and not come back, which I am considering doing. I don't know if I should do this, or completely ignore him? Isn't giving him a place to stay/come home to enabling? Even if I kick him out, he will go right across the street to the neighbor's house. The neighbor is in a relationship with a lawyer who is pregnant with his 4th child by 4 different women, and he does not work. I can see him sitting in his garage drinking beer at noon. His moving in 6 months ago is about the worst thing to happen to our relationship. This guy just makes ABF think everything ABF is doing is ok. My ABF keeps bringing up how neighbor's gf bought him and Escalade and he lives off of her credit card. I cut off the money bc he was buying beer w/my card, and since it became apparent he wasnt going to get a job. ABF is not allowed to drink at home, and whenever he wants a beer he just walks across the street. This guy has even given him money!!!
Does this all sound strange to anyone else? I've gone over there to get ABF and knocked on door, rang doorbell, texted (it was urgent) and nobody came to the door. 10 mins later my ABF came walking out the front door.
Thank you in advance for listening to me. I've felt alone for a long time and I'm starting to feel so much better knowing there are others out there who are mutually supportive:)
Personally one of my favs is Delimna of an Alcoholic Marriage, .. I've heard people talk about Marriage on the Rocks. I highly recommend any Melody Beattie books, on co-dependency for me that was a lightening rod of self awareness and where I needed to go within the program.
No, what you have described doesn't sound weird at all for an addict, and no, it is not normal.
Call the alanon hotline in your area there is a website you can look up as well I have the same issue with bookstore being 35 min away. They should be able to point you in the direction of an alanon meeting that offers childcare. I really recommend finding a way to take an hour out of your day just for you!! I'm referring do what you have to do to get to those meetings.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
On stepchat.com they have electronic al-anon meetings, sometimes 2-3 times every day of the week. I find them handy when I need more then the board and I can't make a f2f meeting.
Ariel the disease needs the disease atmosphere to survive so it will go where it will be enabled. What I learned in Al-Anon was not to enable my alcoholic/addict wife's condition and you are doing some of that also...good for you. What I also had to do was get firmly inside of the Al-Anon Family Groups myself and sit down and listen to those who came before me and who had experienced positive changes in their lives over time with practice of the program. Al-Anon has the wealth of information as far as literature inside of the rooms. Find the way to get there and participate for your own recovery. We get better from learning how to change the things we can about ourselves and earning the courage to do those new things and then experiencing the wisdom in knowing the difference between what we should and should not do.
The two books that have been amazing for me on a daily basis are Courage to Change and One Day at a Time in Al Anon. Each one has a short daily reading that focuses on one particular area of recovery. There are indexes in the back if you want to look up any issues in particular, like detatchment, disappointment, fear, hope...whatever you are needing at the moment. I read these each morning, along with the Just For Today bookmark that comes in the newcomer's packet. I cannot tell you how much this little bit of literature on a daily basis has helped turn my turmoil and anguish into calm and even optomism sometimes. Hope this helps and so glad to hear you are going to check out a meeting! I found going to several to find one(s) that I felt most comfortable in helped. Sending you support and courage!!
