The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
What can I do when I find myself up against someone that is: Angry, Drunk, High, Abusive, or requires conflict in their lives? Maybe it is best to just retreat. I can not negotiate with a terrorist or these mindsets. Serenity in these cases can be proportionate to the distance I am removed from the situation.
When a person is controlling, selfish or manipulative they will often apply some social skills to get their way. This may provide an opportunity to use boundaries and some form of reason.
Understanding this helps me to identify situations quickly and to have a consistent response.
Thank you. I think I needed to retreat on a few occasions this week but did not. Now I have to let go of the mistakes I made. I have no power over the past. I will keep your post in mind the next time I am invited to argue. I have a right to say "no" and set boundaries. I can keep my lips sealed. Thanks, AICB
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
By "retreat" are you referring to detaching at all costs? "Retreat" also reminds me of the word surrender, which to me, describes the entire program, surrendering to Higher power.
The requirement for membership to al-anon is that we have been troubled by someone's drinking, and this is what you seem to be describing. Can I reason with an active alcoholic? I've had no success to date, lol
Sitting with others who understand, in meetings, helped me to break my isolation and help me to heal. I hope you enjoy the gift of face to face fellowship, as I do. Higher power gifted me with this fellowship to help save my life.
My serenity is in direct proportion to my level of ACCEPTANCE. I don't necessarily have to build a wall if I can truly accept my powerlessness over alcoholism, I usually do okay around active alcoholics. But sometimes, like you, the best I can do is detach at all costs, my serenity is that important to me today. ((hugs))
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I'm going to flip the word "retreat" and use is as a place of refuge.
Right now for me, my living situation is a retreat of sorts. It is my place of serenity. I don't have to wonder, worry, or second guess myself as to what is or is not going on. I know what I know and I'm truly ok with that.
I can retreat to my retreat .. lol .. it gives me safety and it builds upon my healing. Then each time I face my two headed dragon I can come to my retreat and heal. The bombardment of feeling all of the pain that is there for the what if's and what could have been's just goes away. Sometimes distance of retreat is the best course of action to find the retreat of safety, get my alanon tools together and face the two headed dragon once again.
Hugs p :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
AICB, this is has been a very difficult (and very important) lesson for me to learn. My job requires me to take and defend certain positions strenuously. I've always had a tendency to always want to prove that my position is justified (I've always been happy to listen to other sides of the debate, but to me, life was all about being rational and reasonable, and taking the time to demonstrate to others that my way was, if not correct in their eyes, at least a rational and reasonable outcome).
Imagine my frustration when I started to realize there are people in the world who are simply not capable of looking at things that way. I shed a lot of tears, and felt a lot of anger at being made to feel crazy, stupid, irrational, unkind, etc. by someone who in reality is just totally unhinged. It is common now for me to simply retreat. During the last attempt to pick a fight I was admonished and abused from "walking away" from my AH. I very calmly said that I wasn't walking away from him, but I WAS walking away from a situation that would surely end in a very ugly fight. Then I went to the bedroom and kept to myself. A year ago, that would have been impossible for me to do. But I turned on my e-reader and spent some time reading Getting Them Sober, and then some time reading a fun book, and then I went to bed. The next morning I just went about my business as if nothing had happened. I've had to learn that Retreat does not equal Defeat. Now I know and appreciate the tremendous power of a well-timed retreat.
Great post! I am so glad I have this choice and am learning to use it more than not. It has been a hard, but great tool on my journey. Sending you all Love and Support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I too believe in retreat. Sometimes I feel like I am running away. But it is really self preservation. It is like learning that "no" is a complete sentence. I don't have to stay there and defend myself. I am allowed to remove myself from the situation.
