The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My wife has moved back in. We were talking the other night and she mentioned how she had felt deserted during her second stint at rehab which was preceded by an intervention. I now realize that interventions are really for the family and friends, you can't really force anyone into recovery. Back then I am sure there was a desire in me to be the hero. Even so I really feel I had only two choices: Divorce and seek full custody of our boys, or try to convince her to seek treatment. The former choice might have been the most direct route to her recovery, forcing her to face consequences. Whether it was due to weakness or caring I don't know, but I just couldn't bring myself to file for divorce. I don't expect credit anymore, I realize that the desire for approval in that regard is part of my problem, but it does kind of bother me to be villainized. Just the latest nagging resentment I'm mulling over.
You are exactly where you need to be in recovery. You need support and caring too. Keep coming back and keep the focus on you, your side of the street and things will fall into place. When in doubt .. don't.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Interventions are difficult and it is easy to understand how your partner could feel abandoned while in rehab as a result of an intervention. Remember feelings are not facts.
I just read your post and thought I heard a person who, after examining their motives, found that the intervention was attempted because you wanted to protect your children, restore your family and have your partner become healthy enough to participate in the family again. You were not willing to go straight to divorce.
I see nothing wrong with any of your actions. I believe you could truly validate your actions to your partner so that she understands that what you did was out of concern for your family and not as a means to hurt or abandon her.
Alcoholics in early sobriety is not able to deal with reality and feelings in a constructive manner. Own your part and let go of the resentment It just hurts you.
Aloha Dad...Even villians (lol) do the best they can with what they have at that time. I was a villian for a while and then again learning about doing the best I could with what I had and self love and acceptance and more I'm beyond it now. You can get beyond it also...give yourself a hug...cheer yourself on with "Nice Try" and hop the fence over to this side. God don't make junk!! ((((hugs))))
Sending you support! I read the passages in Courage to Chance and One Day at a Time in Al Anon that address forgiveness and resentment. These two books help me tremendously! Please give yourself a break. This stuff is hard sometims. Hope things are going better now.
I don't know much about you, DadtocandE, but i have gathered from your posts that you are a wonderful father and a loving husband. It is very hard to go through this and fortunately we all have gone or are going through or have been in a similar situation at one point of another. You did not cause it, can't cure it, you can't control it. BUt you can continue to be a great Dad and a loving husband and keep taking care of you!! YOU are very important! Glad you're here.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
