The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So, on Saturday night AH has plans to attend a party with a bunch of buddies. They're his new tennis drinking buddies and it's an organized party downtown, about 20 miles south of our house. Anyway, I was actually hoping that he would do something stupid that night and that maybe he would see how his binging is not cool, etc. Well, tonight a friend of mine(on my tennis team whose husband is friend's with my husband) told me that she's the designated driver for that night and that she's assigned to pick up my AH and drive him home. Of course, I'm ecstatic that they're being responsible and that there are designated drivers but now I feel like he's got a free for all going with no limits, UGH! Oh well, I guess he'll have fun and I hope he keeps himself under control but it's not my problem since I'm not going to be there, LOL!
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
The fact that he has a designated driver doesn't necessarily mean that he won't binge and do something stupid that night. As we know, if they're going to do it, they're going to do it no matter what. Whether he'll do something so stupid that he'll decide to turn his life around -- well, we always hope, don't we? But people have gone really, really far down and not seen the light. It's different for everyone. I hear that you're impatient (who wouldn't be) and you want things to change. Which anybody would. Unfortunately wanting them to change is a set-up for disappointment. What would you do if you knew he wasn't going to change in the foreseeable future? How would you take care of yourself and your emotions? Maybe that's the thing you can change. As the saying is, "He's going to do what he's going to do, what are you going to do?"
Mattie, that's exactly what I said to myself. And, you're right he still may do something stupid and it's not my problem anyway. I have my meeting tonight, thank goodness!
I feel so bad for the designated driver, would be great for that person if they found al-anon. I would not be a designated driver now.. it would mess with my serenity and I feel pretty serene. Be grateful you have your program and a meeting to attend.. be grateful youre not the one who is picking up a bunch of drunk people tonight. Keep on being you!!!
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
I can totally relate to what you are feeling. I have had similar thoughts, but I am trying to remember that it is COMPLETELY out of my hands when and if my AH will see the light that will lead him to recovery. In the meantime, I keep improving my life by going to meetings, literature etc...but I want to again let you know, I absolutely, completely relate to your entire share. sending you support, especially on "the big night". I try to do something extra special for myself on those nights my AH goes out to drink. Outreach calls help too. Glad you're here!
