The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi, everyone! I'm new to the board - a first time poster, but I've been silently visiting and reading the board daily for the past week or so. I've also been reading older posts you've all left as well (I think I've traveled back 'in time' with you all through your posts to at least November. If someone 'bumps' up an old post with a new reply, it's probably me! LOL!). I just have to say, after reading these posts, I'm so inspired and encouraged by the way in which I've seen you welcome other 'newbies' and by the support and strength I've seen you give to one another. And so I felt it was time for me to come out of my shell a little and to say hello. *waves*
My ABF is in the beginning stages of his recovery. He's been sober a little over a month after a brief stint in an inpatient facility (I believe this was his 6th or 7th time in rehab), followed this time by intensive out patient after care treatment. I won't go into great detail right now concerning how he came to the realization that he needed help, but thankfully it was HIS decision. But even so, it was pretty grueling ... not just for him, but for me and for his family as well. It's been a long road, paved with many bumps and tears. And we probably still have a long road before us. Which is why I'm here. For support from others who are traveling along that road.
The one thing I've discovered throughout this process ... or this 'journey' ... is that right now we're both recovering in our own way: he's recovering from alcohol abuse, and I'm recovering from codependency and from being an enabler. It's funny, I never knew there were so many ways you could enable an addict before attending Al Anon. I thought an enabler was someone who simply provided the alcohol. I didn't realize that all of my pleas for him to get help, or stepping in to make doctors appointments for him, or pouring alcohol down the drain, or cleaning up 'his mess', or any other number of things were all considered enabling. I've learned so much about detaching with love and also about taking care of myself over the past several weeks. Things that I didn't understand before now. Sometimes I still struggle with taking a step back and focusing on myself and not on his recovery. I think that's just human nature. And I still struggle with what I'll do if he relapses (as I mentioned before, he isn't new to AA or rehab) and I don't know if I fully trust him at the moment when it comes to certain things. But ... I'm doing the best I can. One day at a time. I love him. And I know he loves me too, and I know he's doing the best he can at this point in time too. We're both taking baby steps forward and are making progess -- sometimes wobbly progress steps, and sometimes more firm steps. I think that's all we can ask of each other right now.
Thank you all for letting me share a little, and I look forward to posting on other related topics with all of you! I'm so glad I found this board!
I'm so glad you have found us and the doors of face to face meetings!! You are absolutely correct that it is a long journey and the best part is remembering and discovering new parts of you!!
Keep coming back and keep sharing :)
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Hi sunny, welcome to MIP! It sounds like you've learned a lot already. But there is always more to learn. And this is a great place to learn. Also to get esh, support, and love. Or sometimes just to vent. I can truly say I don't know where I would be today without this board. I have no F2F alanon meetings to go to so I rely heavily on my friends here. And they always come through for me. I'm glad you found us, hope to hear more from you.
Hi Sunny, welcome and thanks for your candid share. I relate to you very well as my AH is in early recovery too - 5 months sober now. This came after a severe descent into alcoholism that ultimately drove him mad last summer, cost him his job and led to our separation. I suppose the one good thing about it is he finally checked himself into inpatient rehab and started working a serious AA program.
While I don't live with AH we still remain quite close as he comes to see me and our son often. I totally understand your fears about trust. It is something I wonder if I will ever be able to do. I really like what you say about taking "wobbly steps." For me, I find I often am expecting too much too soon. I often have to take a step back and realize that this is a process that takes a lot of time and I can't force solutions. I don't quite know if I will get back with AH permanently, but that is also something I try to defer deciding about. He messed up big - but he is doing his best now as am I.
And yes, enabling comes in many forms - too many times I've done this without realizing it. For me the only way I could stop was to separate from him, but even after that it continued to some extent. It sounds like you have some great insight and are doing really well in your recovery. Keep coming back! nyc
Great and inspiring post, Sunny:). I totally relate to detaching & self - discovery. Did you read "Getting Them Sober"? It changed my view of my life incredibly! Keep hanging in there!
Oh WOW! I can't thank you all enough for the warm welcome!!! I can already tell I'm going to love sharing and learning from all of you! From reading some of the older posts, it looks like we all relate to each other in one way or another, no matter what the particular set of circumstances are! While reading some of the past posts, I found myself going, "Oh my, YES! I've been there!" or "I've felt the same way you have!" Or I've wanted to leap through the screen and hug some of you! It's so wonderful and such a relief to have people who understand! I've had friends and family in my daily 'real world' setting (not that you guys aren't 'real', ha ha!) try to give me advice, but it's been almost like I've been attached to a pulley! I've had people who feel I should walk away pull me in one direction, and those who think I should stay and wait it out pull me in another. Sometimes I've felt like Gumby after being stretched in so many directions!! LOL!! But then I've had a very few amazing people give me exactly what I've needed -- which is just support and love and the freedom to make my own decision. And I think that's what I'm going to find from this board. Because you're all in the same emotional situation I am, even though, like I said, the circumstances may vary a little from person to person. Thank you so much for being out there!
... Oo! Before I forget, thank you Ariel for mentioning "Getting Them Sober"! I sure haven't read that, but I've added that to my list to track down! Thank you so much! I have "Courage to Change", which I purchased from one of the F2F Al Anon groups I've attended, and I read it daily. I have some other magazine-type material that I've been reading too. I'm open to any and everything!! Pushka ( Sunny
Welcome! I am so glad you are here and chose to introduce yourself. I love your awereness. Keep coming back! It really does get better. The more we put into our own recovery, the less impacted we become as a result of whatever choices our partners make. Again, so glad you are here!
Thank you all so much for the warm welcome and support!! I look forward to getting to know you all better and to having a wonderful network of others who've "been there done that"!
