Can't find an Al-Anon meeting that I click with - Al-Anon Family Group

Annalise13 · Newbie

Can't find an Al-Anon meeting that I click with

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs and welcome Anna,

I'm literally a 3x around person with alanon. I was probably a tad younger than you are now when I first went into alanon and I had similar feelings of anger and frustration. The second time I really had no use for the people there and ironically this is now the meeting after 10 years I am back to, I have to say I haven't regretted it. there are still people there that were there originally when I went there and it has been a blessing to have their ESH each week.

You say that you have only tried 2 meetings and that they were months apart. I really encourage you to try 6 meetings consistantly, and honestly even the last time I went back I had to do 12. Something began to happen, I began to have hope, I started listening and I tried hard to keep an open mind. My mind and my eyes opened wide. The support and information is priceless.

I have no regrets about this 3rd time around and can understand the age issue being a factor. I'm probably one of the younger ones in my group and I'm in my 40's.

I encourage you to try again as the meetings are not always the same people. There's the long timers who keep coming back to get their alanon fix and then there are new people just like you who come in to the group as well.

There should be an alanon hotline in your area that can also provide you with different meetings. Don't give up.

Keep coming back and keep sharing, I find this board is a great way to express myself in between meetings and there is such a huge wealth of information. There was no actual alcohol in my home until I was 15, however previously I def grew up in an home that exhibited alcoholic behaviors without the alcohol in it.
I can relate to much of what the ACOA share.

Hugs P :)

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

When focused on the differences I usually leave dissapointed , close your eyes and listen just listen , you will hear the similarities and get what you need . All meetings are different ,keep looking you will find the perfect fit , dont stop now . two meetings in as many months is just not enough , please keep looking . Louise

Michelle814 · ~*Service Worker*~

I am 27 and I attend face to face meetings at least once, sometimes up to four time per week. I have a home group and at this meeting I feel the most comfortable. The meetings you are going to may have alot of newer people in them. I have found some old timers that really know the program and have guided me. It's about being open minded and open to change. I am the youngest person at my home group but age is just a number. In fact I am so grateful I found al-anon so young, I still have my whole life of trial and error to apply the principles and work my steps. Everyoe is dealing with the same disease, alcoholism, is a family disease and it effects everyone involved. When I am in an al-anon meeting I know that the people around me truly, like no one else ever will, know what I am going through. They cannot know it all, that is what my sponsor is fo, but they can relate to me, whether their qualifier is their mother/father, their son/daughter, their friend, or their partner/spouse (as it is mine.) I am so grateful I found a program that truly has helped me. They say in al-anon to try many meetings and to try at least six consecutive weeks at a group. They also say "If you still don't like us, we will gladly refund your misery" I am not ssaying that in any sort of disrespectful way, its just a saying. It makes me chuckle a little because before al-anon I was so miserable and now I am happy, content, free, and healthy... whether my husband is drinking/using or not. I hope you find a group that works for you and remember this site is up 24/7

-- Edited by Michelle814 on Wednesday 8th of February 2012 01:35:41 PM

usedtobeanyer · Senior Member

For what it's worth, I went to the same meeting for a year or so and while I got so much out of it, I never felt comfortable at that meeting. Lots of very experienced people, very big meeting, and I just always felt insecure and quite frankly afraid to share. A couple of months ago I started to go to a different meeting--much smaller, much less intimidating, and while I feel like I get less out of it, I have found that sharing in that meeting is much easier and for me at this stage that is invaluable.

Anyway, shop around, so to speak, and you'll be able to find a meeting that works for you. You'd be surprised at what you can learn from someone you feel like you don't relate to.

danni · Senior Member

You have already received great esh, so I'll just add that I tried several different meetings until I felt more comfortable. With time, I have also learned to connect with and learn from people I never would have given a second glance before program. For a while I also felt isolated at some meetings because I was still married to my AH who was/is still drinking, and I longed to meet others in similar situations.So trying different meetings consistantly helped me slowly come into contact with that kind of support. I left one meeting so frustrated, I said to myself "screw this", but I went back and the next time i got so much out of it. You never know. So trying different meetings consistantly helped me slowly come into contact with that kind of support. I am glad you posted here. Two things come to mind: Keep coming back, and Take what you like and leave the rest...if you give it a chance, it really does work.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

All people who get together in one place make a different atmosphere. If you can go to a different meeting surely do.

I do get what you mean. For me it was my walking into a new Kingdom Hall up here. The first meeting this very older guy was talking and it was like a grampa telling a story to a young child with the ohhhhs and seeeee and stuff. lol I was like what the heck?

Was afraid this little town was really full of very "different" people lol. Then all of a sudden here he and his wife come see me! lol I found myself thanking him for the meeting and how simple his talk was and how it was easily understood. this was true. they are the nicest people.

Next time I went, omgosh it was amazing. The man who gave the talk was so knowledgeble, funny, ya could not miss a thing! I was welcomed and now feel so so so comfy there that even if I don't feel very well, can't take pain med and drive there, I bring a pillow and lay my head against the wall and put my leg up.

I agree we need to look for the good stuff. I believe in just getting my body out the door and to wherever I am going.

Takes time for all of us to ease into new situations. Honey age means nothing. We all are still five years old, 28 years old, 42 years old inside.

We don't just turn sixty and we are just acting sixty!!! Or even think only one way at each age.

As far as sharing, we ease into that too. You will know when it feels right and you will make sure you do it.

When I was teaching we all got changed around from one school to the other. Every one of them was different.

Please keep going, coming here, go to meetings here too!

Its ok to feel how ya do, many of us go thru this! hugs,debilyin

ythannah · Senior Member

As one of the "older ladies" (I'm 48) in our meeting, where the longterm members are older than me, I've often wondered how younger people feel when they come. I especially wonder about the men who show up, since our local Al-Anon is about 90% female, and a newcomer is likely to be the only man in our group. We are quite a mix, however, of adult children, spouses, and parents of As.

That's my long-winded, roundabout way of saying I am grateful for your post, because it gives me things to think about with regard to helping newcomers feel comfortable with us. aww

The commonalities are there, though. Just last night a new gal (young enough to be my daughter) was sharing about her behaviour within relationships and many of the things she expressed said "That's ME!" to me.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.