too, too sad - Al-Anon Family Group

pineapple · ~*Service Worker*~

too, too sad

yanksfan51 · ~*Service Worker*~

lots of (((()))) to you; you are a strong person, obviously!

I know many spouses who have felt the same when confronted w someone telling them they don't care whether they live or die

lots of support around you

Iris lover of dogs · Veteran Member

Pineapple, I'm so sorry. The worst feeling in the world is a broken heart. Just know that there are so many of us that understand the conflicting feelings you are having - the horror, the love, the just wanting it to be over. I hope you find some peace tonight. I'm sending a prayer your way. -iris

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Pineapple,

Ohh hugs I am so sorry. Watching someone destroy themselves is so not a fun thing to do. I am sending you lots of love and lots of prayers and giving you a big virtual hug!!

Hugs P :)

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Sending you love and support!

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm sorry you are struggling tonight. Praying for you to have peace and serenity and sending you lots of support!

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

I have felt the way you describe , just get it over .. my husb used to say the same things and he drank to die ,luckily for us he woke up one day and said to himself this is just taking too damn long and its too painful we too were estranged at the time ..and he decided to try sober instead . that was over 20 yrs ago now .. there is always hope . thinking of you tonite . Louise

Michelle814 · ~*Service Worker*~

Pineapple, you are NOT pathetic. You are experiencing unconditional love but you also know how to detach with love and you know the focus must be on you and you must take care of yourself. If, anything, I think this post makes you sounds strong because you can feel and you can grieve and you can fall apart.. and then you can pick yourself back up again, dust yourself off, look in the mirror, tell yourself you love you.. and just keep doing what youre doing.

My heart breaks for you and your A but I have learned in al-anon I cannot internalize your pain or solve all your problems.

Be still wth your HP at these times and remember that your A's HP loves your A more than you ever could.. and that is obviously alot.

-- Edited by Michelle814 on Wednesday 8th of February 2012 12:56:32 PM

DreamXL · Senior Member

Addicted people in my experience do the "oh i just want to die" routine when they are drunk or high. I dont mean to sound cold here, but its a nice card to play while they are in the mist of doing what they want to do. Hang in there and take care of you. There not kidding when they say "our thinking becomes distorted"...glad your here !

pineapple · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you all for your replies. I thought about deleting this post this morning because it sounds too pathetic. And that's something I don't ever want to be. But I need all the support I can get, so it's staying. Dreamxl-yes, I know it's not uncommon for addicted people to say this. But I believe he means it. He's said it to me when he's sober too. And he is doing it. The way he's been drinking for most of the past year I don't see how it can go on for much longer. I know he has problems with depression which is part of the reason he drinks. Which causes him to be more depressed. It's a vicious circle. Abbyal, you're right, and I will keep that in mind-as long as he is alive, there's hope. Thank you all for your concern and support.

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs,

Nothing you feel is pathetic Pineapple, don't ever be afraid to say what you are feeling as feelings aren't fact however they are where we are at in the moment. They will change, and sometimes like a kidney stone .. they will pass. :)

Thinking of you, hugs P :)

danni · Senior Member

It absolutely does NOT sound pathetic. We understand. You are taking care of yourself by posting here. Good for you! I am so sorry you are going through this heartbreaking situation. Sometimes it just is...sad. Please keep taking care of yourself and know you are loved and thought of here. hugs

TLD · Veteran Member

Lots of hugs and support. You don't sound pathetic, the same thoughts run through my mind. Currently the way my AH is drinking and using it won't be long before he is in that situation. I really like what was said about as long as he is alive, there is hope. I'm glad you didn't delete your post as reading it has helped me.
Thank you!!

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Well now you got my nose all scringy and I am crying too. You reminded me of just the same experience. I wanted him to want to touch me so bad. But there was nothing there.

What has been so hard is for me he has been working hard to kill himself for about nine years now. I have NO idea what keeps these guys alive! Just is so shocking. Mine just turned 60!

I know you love the man you married the disease has killed. This body is not him. I honestly believe the person we loved died a long time ago. Oh sweetie I pray all the time for my ex AH to find relief thru death if that is what he needs. He like yours falls down stairs, falls all the time. took some razor to his hair and cut it all weird.

They are totally in the process of killing themselves.NOTHING we say will make any difference. They cannot process thought anymore.

There was a gal here from London who I saw her go thru this too. When her A was days from dying he quit drinking. just like that. She and their children got a few days of dad back befor he passed.

I remember she would buy him alcohol. I was so shocked, I was new here. She did becuz he was so sick and had to have it or die from detox. She taught me soo much.

hon I have thought in the past of putting my handcuffs on him and taking him to the mountains to detox him, get him clean. seriously. Reality is though, soon as he got back to town, he would use again.

I know for sure he no longer has the brain matter left to be able to go into recovery. I kept him with me every moment for almost a month. the day I went to town, he said he was right behind me going for a bottle.

BUT for me I had to try everything to know I did all I could.

Its a hole in you hon. for me its always there. Becuz the one who can fill it really is dead.

I still,STILL get thoughts of going to just talk with him. So dumb.

I am so so sad you are there in all that paradise, yet so sad.

Yesterday I was holding my Basset Tavish and just got such a horrible feeling of how would I survive when he goes/ It is terrifying to think of it. I have transferred my strongest emotions to him, and him me.We are always sitting together, sleep together, just always touching.

I always wondered why he moans and talks all the time. then realized I do it to him. I hug him and ohhhhh warm puppy! When he wants to sit or take a nap he wants me with him.

ugh. he is right here as always.

Hate to say for me, I may have lost my ability to really bond anymore with humans. When we love our husbands or whoever so much, and really give it our all, then they go away, it feels like our hearts are all torn up.

I mean you trusted him and loved him so much you went to another country!!!

the biggest reason ex is not with me is I had to give up. He was just a piece of clay, rotting in our home.

I had tried everything. I am so so glad you found this home and you come here. I know sometimes we need comfort we come here and have nothing to say., You can say that too. I want so much to have somewhere to go where it is home and love is in the air.

I wish I could do more. There are so many of us we want to help more but we cannot. ugh.

sending you love, I very much know where you are, debilyn who wishes he was asleep next to me snoring..... with his slippers next to mine.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear Pineapple

I am so very sorry that this disease has become so destructive. I do understand how you feel -- the sadness, the anger, the love..

Please keep taking care of you, be very gentle with yourself and hubby and know you are not alone and that you are in my thoughts and payers.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.