The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Good choice ((Green Eyes)) I would have done the same. Keep your objectives clear (supporting daughter!) and you will have no problem.
It is totally possible to look someone in the eyes, and while they're talking, I'm saying the Serenity prayer over and over in my head. However I need to invite Higher power along, that's what I do.
edit: It would be so easy to hold onto poisonous thoughts about my resentment during the dinner, but of course, with children there, "today is not the day." Hand those thoughts over to HP as soon as they pop up. Good luck ((my friend)) You're a good mom.
-- Edited by glad lee on Monday 6th of February 2012 08:50:00 PM
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I'm heading out in a few minutes to go with my adult daughter to meet her dad (my AH) for his birthday- we're taking out to dinner. My daughter asked me to go with her because she's uncomfortable with seeing him one on one right now. Unfortunately, I am very upset with him right now after having a two hour conversation with the IRS and finding out this his business tax liabilities are being liened on any tax refunds I was or will be due until we file separately (which I plan to do soon). I have not talked to him yet about what I found out today, not that he would probably give a crap about it anyways. He hasn't made any income in the last two years, so he's not paying any taxes anyways- just me.
I was all set to make up an excuse to my daughter about not feeling well, but I want to support her and know that she would be very upset if she had to face him alone. Soooo, I am asking you and my HP for support to get me through the next couple of hours so that we can "all play nice in the same sandbox" tonight. Thanks so much. I have already repeated the Serenity Prayer several times these past couple of hours.
It sounds like you have a good handle on the relationship. It is good to support your daughter. I hope you can keep all the sand in the sandbox tonight and don't start flinging it all over and in his eyes. Enjoy the meal.
You have already gotten great ESH, I am sending you prayers and support!! Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Thanks, everyone. I really did feel your love and support tonight- as well as from my HP. It was almost like have a warm blanket around me during the hour we spent together. I was able to get through our dinner without any drama or incidence. I couldn't help but to notice two things (I haven't seen him since mid-December): he is still wearing his wedding ring (I am not wearing mine- I took it off soon after we separated) and his hands were shaky. Could be that he was "off the sauce" for the day, or it could have been his blood sugar being out of control (he is a non-compliant diabetic). I was able to not make any comments about either of these observations (although I would have if I didn't have my program).
My daughter continues to amaze me with her healthy boundaries and insight regarding her dad. She reminded me tonight that I am on a good path and that my leaving her dad has put me in a much safer, and saner, environment. She said that she knows that I did the right thing by leaving him, but in the end, no matter what decision is made about her dad and my marriage, we all need to be civil towards each other since we are a family who supports each other, in good times and tough times.
So glad you had a good evening that is wonderful!! Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
