The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
this weeked I relapsed, man. I was trying to change people all over and judging everyone. I did not do well but, I took my inventory last night and its a new week. I can do better. I can't change or control the past either, as pushka says ;) so I might as well let it go and let God take over. Bad week.. Im only human...
Good job working your steps. You seem to me you have a great grasp on your powerlessness. I have to remind myself to retake step 1 each day, I forget at times and then I think I'm God again for a minute or two.. its not healthy
keep sharing your journey.
-- Edited by Michelle814 on Monday 6th of February 2012 09:31:17 AM
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
My sponsor gave me Paths to Recovery and I am working through the questions for step 1. One of the questions was do I try to change people and how is that working for me (this is the question in my words).
When I look at the question my immediate answer is no I don't try to change other people. Last summer right after I had just gotten married and I felt like everything was crashing around me I definitely felt that I needed to change my AH. But then I started reading and realized I needed to change me and then HP brought me to Al-Anon and I started learning even more.
I had an ex-boyfriend accuse me of being manipulative. I broke up with him and I think he was more furious that I had broken up with him because I can't see where I was manipulative.
I truly try and check my motives when I am confronted with situations and people I don't agree with. I truly feel that I am learning how to accept and not judge. When I catch myself judging I check myself. However I wonder if my understanding of trying to change people and manipulation might only be from a 1 dimensional viewpoint. Could I unknowingly be acting in ways that might be trying to change others?
I believe that yes we all carry these qualities. For me I'm the Queen of Control all though I'm sure in the rooms and on the boards there are others who would challenge me for the title and maybe who could win even. :) I didn't do it just overtly .. I also do it very covertly. We do things to get people to act the way we think they should and then when they do we reward them somehow. The reality is nothing really changes. They have merely said what we want to hear. I think that's important to notice and take a look at as well is the covert things we do to make people behave.
You are such a wonderful person and you have an amazing program of recovery going, I am powerless over people, places, things (and the past!). I can completely see where my life has become unmanageable. I have yet to meet someone in recovery who at some point if not currently tries to control.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
