The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi I'm zoomie and in recovery myself,but I'm dealing with a 15 year old daughter who is using. I'v tried everything for this child, I put her into a psy ward 2xs for her overdosing and in a rehab. We are now in the process of doing out patent and her seeing someone for her eating disorder,but she relapsed over the weekend and now today refuses to go to school. I did call the school and we are going to work together on putting a PINS on her,but I'm sooooooo resentful of how much all this is costing my money wise and every other way too. I'm an emotional reck! I had to get a job in order to pay for her treatments,the job is hard and I feel pulled in so many directions. My husband makes too much money to get any type of assentance,so we have no hope of getting any help. I mean I feel like saying screw it,no treatment if she is going to relaps anyway. Why pay out good money for something that is not helping? I'm just so full of anger and resentment it's not even funny! I work my program in AA and I'v relaps too in the past,so i should "know" about slips and falls,but I also know the way that helps and I cannot reach my girl. It breaks my heart too to see my girl all high and messed up and stumbling around. Sure I have had days where I blame myself because of my addiction,but I'v also been clean and very understanding. Anyway, I just need to vent and someone suggested Al-anon,so I thought I'd give it a try.
We follow a lot of the principles of AA, and we have a lot of Double Winners here.
Remember the 3c's. You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it. She has to want to.
Wether you where an active alcoholic or not, you did not cause your daughters addiction. She is choosing to use.
You can set you boundaries of what you and your husband are willing to accept, and stick to them.
Keep ;loving her and being supportive, remember to care for yourself. You do have control over how you deal with her. It sounds like you are doing that quite well.
Anger and resentment are normal feelings. Probably more so for you. You know what recovery can bring.
Welcome to the message board. It's a great place to express yourself with people who care and can be a good support for you. I'm sorry you are going through this with your daughter. It stinks watching the people we love struggle. Remember she has a HP too who is watching and guiding her. You are in the right place One day at a time.
Take care
__________________
"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Thank you all for replying! I called her case worker at one place and told them the real deal,now my daughter wants to go to school. LOL, she only has study halls now,so there is no point in her going. I wish I could send her to another rehab,but I'm afraid our insurance is already maxed out on her stays in the hospitals. I owe money to so many places now with co-pays and such, I just do not know how we are going to pay. O'well, someday I can pay or not, I don't care if my credit does go down the tubes,it'a already there anyway,but it was almost fixed before this happened. I guess too I get resentful for the fact that people on welfare get all the treatment they need for free. One woman at the rehab said the best insurance to have now is medicade. Why do people work so hard to pay for insurance,if you get screwed anyway with co-pays and such? Too and this is not my girl's fault but I really suck at keeping appointments and being organized when I'm under stress. Everything goes out of my head like i'm dumb or something. I just don't see how I can keep myself organized with my appointments and her's too. I have to go out of town for her appointments which in turn cost tons of money in gad and time. I work at the times of her appoinments most nights and I pray that her grandparents or my friend can help.
I wish we could have hit my daughter's alcohol/drugaddiction head on in high school, but we were in denial. She finally asked for help at 19 and now is 21. It costs alot of money for sure! WE too are middle income. She still struggles as this is a disease as you know and they will have it the rest of thier lives. I so feel for you! (((((((((zoomie))))) For some reason it just breaks my heart to see others go through this pain. I will never regret the amount of money we spent on her,,,but we have slowly weaned her off of support now at 21. I use to blame myself for giving birth to her and giving her the disease :( Then I found alanon and learned differently. My heart goes out to you. Keep coming back and keep on posting. cdb
Thank you cdb! It is hard to be middle income with all this. I woud not regret the money so much if all this would work and it's also hard with the hoildays right around the corner. Things will work out they usally do,LOL just not the way how I want them to. So far this seems to be a great board. I also help moderate another recovery board,but we do not have many people doing Al-anon. It saved my life and my mind with my addiction. Again thank you all for a warm welcome!
One day at a time.