The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband has no job, no money, no future. He was stabbed earlier this week by what he calls a "random act of violence". No one wants him around, including his own mother. He does not appear to know how to tell the truth- about anything. His "friends" look like people you would find on the street. I mean no offense by this. I just mean that their clothes are dirty, they appear to not have showered or brushed their teeth in quite some time, and they have no jobs. What's weird is that they are usually much older than him and somehow almost all of them are getting some kind of assistance for "disability". I guess I have the thinking that you are who you hang with. I don't see how my young, bright, 28 year old husband could possibly enjoy spending his time with these "friends". It saddens me to see him with them. And it saddens me even more to think that he is going to be like them.
How does not see that he could be so much more? Does he think that little of himself?
People say those same things about me being married to this man, but the difference is I married him when he was someone different. I didn't choose him this way- sure he had issues like us all, but he wasn't who he is today.
He on the other hand is choosing these people. I don't understand it.
Luckily, I have learned to quiet my mind from the wheel of wondering what he is doing with them right this second...but the sadness for him seems more difficult to tame. It breaks my heart to watch him live this way. If I can't have HIM, I'd rather not have him at all. Watching this life he is choosing hurts too much.
I suppose in a time like this I will stop focusing on him and do something for me. Maybe a little nap, a few chapters in my book, and then a 7pm meeting.
I'm so glad to hear you are going to a meeting and reading lit. There is no rationalizing with addiction, .. it is not something that can be rationalized. I say often you can't rationalize with an irrational person. It's like trying to nail jell-o to a tree. I am so sorry you are going through this, because it hurts to watch someone have to walk through a fire that is painful for them. It's healing on one level however it burns on the other.
This is so not about you, and as you walk your own program you will find the serenity that you need for yourself and you will find the answers to the tough questions. Best of all you will find healing.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Its amazing what the disease wil tell them. His addiction doesnt care what people are like it just cares that he can get what he needs.. why did my 29 yr old, bright, handsome husband spend so much time in such a scary neighborhood with violent people.. he is not violent, he is absolutely a beautiful soul.. why? because they had what he "needed" at the time. so sad. But take care of you.. I have learned to take care of me and step out of my AH's fall so he can hit bottom, hard. when they hit it seems they see the light. what happens from there is up to them and their HP. its so hard and you are so strong. thanks for sharing your journey with us.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
