The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am a 40 year old daughter of an alcoholic. I have been urged for many years to join al Al Anon group and have never had the courage. I found this message board online and really hope that it will help. My father is an alcoholic. He has been the majority of my life. I always thought he was the "fun" drunk. He was the life of the party. In the past 10 years things have spiraled out of control. His drinking got to the point that he was in and out of the hospital for withdrawals. If he didn't have his whiskey for a day it would put his body into shock and he would end up having seizures. His 20+ stays in ICU were horrible. The seizures, hallucinations, lethargy and confussion took a toll on his entire body. I supported him. Sat by his bedside day after day. Neglected my children and husband so that I could "help" him. Eventually, his wife and teenage daughter left him. The drinking became worse and I was the only one who was still there to help him. Doctors calling me for updates. His friends calling me for their opinion on how I should make things better. Out of town relatives calling me to tell me that I'm not doing enough. It is all too much. He had actually stopped for about a year. It took his body roughly 8 months to finally, somewhat, recuperate from the damage that has been done. The seizures stopped. He was a couple months away from getting his driver's license back. Last week I received a phonecall from the hospital telling me that he was in the ICU for withdrawals. He has actually been drinking for the past 3 months and I had no idea. I am at a point that I am done...just completely done. I feel like I have given this man so much of myself and I have no more to give. I have poured my heart out to him, begging, pleading, yelling, sobbing. Nothing seems to make a difference. Detaching myself is the only thing that I feel that I can do at this point. I told him that if he went for treatment either in a rehab facility or AA meetings that I would have a relationship with him but otherwise I could not put myself and my family through anymore of this. The guilt that I feel is overwhelming. I may never know if this is the right thing to do but I would love to hear some input from somebody. Everybody in the small town we live in knows of my father's alcoholism because of his constant trips to the hospital and jail. But, I don't have anybody to talk to about this. Any input would be so much appreciated. Thanks!!!
I'm glad you reached out for help at this website. If there is an AlAnon meeting for your where you can get to know (in person) other people who are just like you, it would be so helpful for you.
As I read your story I am reminded of my college roommate (in 1970) who was the prom queen in her high school, graduated the valedictorian and then went into nurses training, where I met her. Then she committed suicide (she ate 800? aspirins) and we all learned of the "other" part of her life. Her dad was the town drunk in her little town. She was the person the whole family leaned on. She was the one who was supposed to be the strong one.
In AlAnon you pound into your brain, "I did not cause it, I can not control it, I can not cure it." You are powerless over his alcoholism. You did not contribute in any way to his alcoholism because you have NO power over what he does. He just proved that to you.
The problem for you is that all of this MEGA-concern you have given to him over all the years of your life have had an impact on you. I had no idea when I started AlAnon of the mental and emotional problems that I got just from the years that I lived with my alcoholic hubby. The more I went to meetings the more I learned. I became "aware" of my problems. You need AlAnon for YOU. Have the courage. Keep coming to this message board and you will meet some wonderful people.
Alcoholism not only affects the alcoholic...but those close to him (her)...
Read the literature, find a face to face meeting, and read the archives here...it's a big group...but a group who has, in many ways, been where you are in their own lives...
There are times when you have to save yourself...you are strong, and you will get through this...it's great that you have tapped into the support here...
I "suggest" you walk on over to your nearest Al-Anon meetings ASAP. There, you will meet people who truly understand your plight. Furthermore, you will have the opportunity to learn a new way of navigating your life. It took me countless years of living with an alcoholic before I discovered this.
__________________
You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
it sounds like you found the right place and I hope you are able to make face to face Al-anon meetings too! I am sending you love and support on your journey!
__________________
Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
