The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I must admit I really judged alcoholics in the past. Some of it was because their actions really affected me.
Yesterday I was on a bus (on the way to the job that pays nothing) and a woman was on there. She could not have been more than 35, young fresh faced and flirting with a man.
She told a story of continued inprisonment, violence and alcoholic black outs. She had nothing, her husband had divorced her (she got violent when drunk), she had no belongings and her life was full of court this, restraining order that and more. And she really didn't see anything wrong with that. In fact she went on to describe her last drink which predictably enough ended in a black out.
Now admittedly this woman is not having much effect on me but in the past I would have jumped straight into judgment and "shoulds". I don't know if she had children (since I was evesdropping I'm not going to ask questions.
Now when I hear a conversation like this one I can see the person as very ill rather than jump straight into judgment. The trouble with me is that I tend to get entangled with people who are ill rather than be able to see it as a job that is far far far bigger than anything I can do, say, think or control them into fixing. Since I had no boundaries I had no idea of my limits at all. I had no beginning and no end and there was no I'm right up to the edge at the moment. There was no edge I had no red flags, no white flags and no ability to say no at all. Now "no" is pretty high on my vocabulary.
I think it's interesting that we tend to key in on the things about ourselves that bug us the most in other people. Then there is the growth that happens and that's so neat how far you have come and how much change you can see in yourself! Plus it's a lot less energy not to have to worry about what other people are doing or not doing. I know I feel better knowing that in respecting myself other people treat me with a lot more respect and that is a good thing.
Great share!
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Situations like you mentioned are always a good barometer for checking my Alanon program. It's great progress to be able to separate yourself out from something like that, not engage and keep your focus on your life and day. Best of luck concerning the job. Hugs. T
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Many people where are work are very judgmental of alcoholic/addicts. Its sad how uneducated people are on the topic, but I was a year ago. Its a hard concept to grasp because to a non-alcoholic/addict you think "just put down the drink/drug, treat your children right, your wife/husband right, get a job, stop being a menace, do the next right thing" Unfortunately its an illness one that needs spiritual medicine. I understand that now, and I, too, have alot of compassion for alcoholic/addicts now. I am far less judgemental and far more able to view them as humans, as souls, with a horrible illness. It is so wonderful when you can say "I can't, he can, I think I'll let him..." Isnt it!?
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
Of course listening to someone on the bus rather than living with them or dealing with them is a long long journey.
I know the alcoholic/addicts who I lived with dealt with can get under my skin in a minute. Even seeing some of them on the street can give me the heebee geebies.
