The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My A finally decided for himself that he needed to get sober. I am so happy that he's taking such a huge step, but I hate seeing how depressed he gets going through his detox.
And I feel so guilty because all I can think about is how many times he's gotten sober just to drink again so in my head I'm telling myself to not.get my hopes up. Has anyone ever felt the same before?
Has anyone felt this way before ? probably 90 % of the spouses here have felt the same way . Learning that our happiness cannot depend on anothers sobriety is a hard lesson but possible . we believe the lies we lie for them , we accept crappy behavior over and over again .. Find meetings , get support from people who understand and genuenly care about you . get your life back on track and regardless of what he does you will be okay.
I love, love, love, this saying .. he's going to drink or not drink what are YOU going to do? I almost take it as a statement in some ways. What are you going to do. Even though it's a question. I hope you will really focus on your own recovery and do what is in your own best interests. It doesn't matter what he does or doesn't do .. finding a support system, finding out who you are, finding out that there is life with or without the A is a good thing.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
That saying from Pushka is still hard for me to grasp "he's going to drink or not drink what are YOU going to do?". It's out of my control, it's none of my business. When I first heard that I was like WHAT?? REALLY?? I am still trying to face the reality that I have to do what I need to do for me and just let him do what he's going to do. When my ABF decided to get sober I was happy at first thinking we could finally have the life he had promised me because he wasn't going to be drunk anymore. But now I am realizing that my happiness can't be dependent on him and what he's doing. My happiness has to start with me. Yes it's great that he is working so hard to stay clean and sober. But it's a constant roller coaster of emotions right now. Is he gonna go drink, is he gonna start drugging again cuz we have a bad day together? I can't think like that anymore. And I can't allow him to use me as his reasoning to go do it. I have a whole lot to learn here and I have to make it about me. Good luck...sounds like we are both pretty new at this! :)
Yes I have felt this way before!!! One of the first things someone said to me in my first al-anon mtg was "as long as the alcoholic is still breathing there is hope." And it stuck!! Good for your A. Happy for you both.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
I took this note during one of my meetings this week:
"When I willingly surrender to the discipline of the steps, my life can be transformed with a great opportunity for joy and fulfillment."
I also wrote down this quote from the International convention in 2010:
"Happiness is my spiritual responsibility."
I take notes on "joy" and "happiness" because it's something that I never really related to before recovery, I always thought joy was an old christmas sentiment or something. I just did not relate to "joy."
I am eternally grateful for the spiritual kit that has been placed at my feet because it no longer eludes me anymore....
And, all I ever REALLY have to do - is to be willing! Higher power wants me to have it as my natural birthright.
I am so glad you're here, sweetie. Take the suggestions from those smiling faces at your local meeting... and it's going to get better, you'll see.
-- Edited by glad lee on Wednesday 1st of February 2012 04:06:00 PM
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
