Sleepless in the Midwest .. - Al-Anon Family Group

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Sleepless in the Midwest ..

Jackie11 · ~*Service Worker*~

I truly believe that it's during these times that we can hear HP most clearly. I've read through your posts over the past few hours. You are truly amazing! What a program you are working!!!

I laughed when you talked about how fast the layers of the onion are peeling and how you are going to get cold. HP won't let you get cold!!!

You keep diving deeper, and keep working your program. Sending love and hugs!!!!!

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

It still makes me shiver .. it's hard to be a nearly naked onion (or it feels that way .. lol .. I'm sure my onion is the size of Mars so anything off of it is something) and it's been highly humbling. Addressing those issues while being very gentle with myself is key here and I keep reminding myself I'm not going to change life long attitudes or behaviors in a day. I can't fix me in a day anymore than I could fix the Q in my life over 16 years. At least this is stepping forward and it's not going to be pretty. I've left a pretty big mess for myself at the moment to sort through. It could have some long term ramifications at least I know with time and help I CAN address the issues in me and I CAN get better. I can find happiness within myself and more importantly I deserve the success and happiness that I find within myself.

Hugs P :)

Jackie11 · ~*Service Worker*~

Humbled, an excellent word to describe how I feel. When these times come it's humbling. I'm so glad you are being gentle with you, that's huge!!!

"I can find happiness within myself and more importantly I deserve the success and happiness that I find within myself. "

This is so very very true!!!!

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

I like keeping the focus on you, but remember who the really sick one is... It's not you. Be kind to yourself. I'm not sure how you left a big mess for yourself when the great majority of this was done to you.

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

Hmm, well here on the West Coast I was awake the past 2 nights until 3 AM. You could have called me, LOL! I finally fell asleep last night around 3 but woke up at 7:30. I'm exhausted because the wind kept me up the previous 2 nights. Last night I was up and doing my 'co-dependent behaviors' that I know I shouldn't do. Worrying about what AH is doing at 1 AM, etc and walking out to bug him and see if my suspicions were right. I know, bad idea. I really have a lot of work to do.

Pushka, I agree with Mark. I'm not sure how you think you're the one who left the mess. Yes, in long term relationships we all screw up. We're all human. Extend some grace to yourself and remind yourself that he made mistakes too. You are working on yourself, finding out who you are, and finding new ways to respond to others in all your ways of life. Be patient and love yourself first.

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks you guys and no I am not taking his part in this at all. I have just my part to own. Hugs p :)

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Pushka

I just wanted to say that I admire your honesty and your wisdom in seeing that we are all human and we make mistakes.

This is something I had to learn in program, I thought I had to be perfect and so did everyone else That was one of my biggest issues. Finally accepting that No one is perfect gave me great relief. Then I understood that the only reason for our in depth searching of our inner motives and hidden destructive tools are so that we can discover what WE are doing that HURTS OURSELVES

. When I discovered what that was it was natural to go to the other Steps and relinquish them . I no longer needed the layers of the onion to protect me I had HP and new tools that worked

.

You are doing great.

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Gail,

Bashing him isn't going to change the fact that he's sick. I'm disgusted with the behavior, as well all know the behavior is not about me. I don't truly have compassion for him or understanding at the moment. The compassion and understanding I feel is for my children and their well being. It won't do them any good if I go there and get stuck. He IS the father of my children and I don't have to like or love him anymore, I will have to deal with him on some level for the rest of my life. That is the reality, ... I just pray he will extend ME the same respect and dignity.

Thank you for the support and I understand where you are coming from, hugs p :)

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Sending you love and support my friend!

danni · Senior Member

Continuing to think of you and send my support. I think you are amazing in how you are applying the program to this obviously painful time. I get the sense that you expect a lot from yourself, and I like how you are also finding room to be kind and gentle with yourself. Progress, not perfection. Big, big hug

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Betty,

You shared something so interesting to me, "This is something I had to learn in program, I thought I had to be perfect and so did everyone else " YUP YUP YUP .. totally on board with that and that's a struggle even in this moment. Making sure I'm in the progress not perfection mode. There is a large sense of relief. The kids are pretty relaxed and so am I .. that right there is pretty big. We had a lovely evening out with family. Best dinner ever .. many left overs .. lol!

You guys are all sooo hugely a blessing in my life and I cherish each person here and I am sending all of the members of MIP a big giant cyber hug!! I have focused today on first thing first .. I've been distracted and emotional of course. I'm really praying for a long good night of sleep I'm trying to stay up until at least 10pm. I'm hoping that the 330am bug doesn't bite. We'll see how that goes. Tomorrow I really want to focus on my next list of First Thing First, I've gotten 3 major things taken care of today and I was on the phone and spent a lot of time thinking about things that I want and figuring out how to be the crewman on God's ship. I get to go to a meeting tomorrow night .. yea!!!! I'm so glad about that .. AND I am going to two meetings on Thursday I am going to soak up all of the wonderful loving knowledge that is out there.

Hugs P :)

Michelle814 · ~*Service Worker*~

Pushka.. you truly inspire me!!! I agree with Jackie, too, I think you can almost hear HP between 3AM and 7AM.. such a quiet, inspiring time. I wish I could hug you. You are unbelievably strong and my heart hurts for your pain but I know you don't need any sympathy. Such a strong person. Keep being you.

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