The material presented
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Did you get the necklace back? Or it is still supposedly over at the "friend's"?
Not that the necklace is the most important thing -- the most important thing is hanging on to sense and perspective in the face of your husband's insanity. And he broke into your apartment?! That is very worrying. He is getting into territory where he could be charged with lawbreaking -- and into stuff that is dangerous. You don't want him breaking into your apartment when you're in there. If he doesn't have boundaries, yours need to be extra strong. I hope you can find a way he can't get into the apartment again.
Once he has you upset he knows he has you off-kilter so you won't be thinking things through clearly and figuring out how to put a stop to him. So I'd go so far to say that it's not just that he sees you're upset and doesn't want you to be. I'd say he sees you're upset and he thinks he's got what he wants -- which is a free ticket to keep up his insanity in your life. I'm sure he's wrong, because you have your Al-Anon friends and your program and your recovery. But their addiction overrules all common sense, and they love drama that gets them what they want. Their chaos is so strong that we have to develop a strong program to help us hold the line.
Keep up the strong recovery and keep on taking good care of yourself!
-- Edited by Mattie on Sunday 29th of January 2012 08:03:37 PM
One of the best things I love about Al-anon is people, practically strangers, hand you their phone number and tell you to call if you ever need to talk....and they mean it. How many people that you meet outside of meetings can you say that about?
Yesterday I came home to find my diamond necklace missing. My husband has been staying here the past week with me and every time I come home I do a visual check of everything important or of value to make sure they are still in their place. My necklace was gone. I checked about ten times to make sure I wasn't over looking it. Even though I was certain I had not moved it. I even checked on the floor incase it fell or something. It was not there.
I called one of my "phone friends :)" on the list. She was so nice and just listened to how I was feeling. I told her I did not want him to stay here tonight so I came up with a plan and she helped me feel validated about it and my feelings.
So I put a blanket, pillow, and bottle of water outside my door with a note saying he could not stay here tonight and that I hope he would keep himself safe.
I decided to go stay with a friend because I knew if he came back while I was here I wouldn't be strong enough to say no.
I come home at 6am to find him in my bed. He somehow broke into my apartment. And is now telling me I'm crazy and made the whole thing up. He said the necklace was in my closet I just overlooked it.
I really started to doubt myself. But when I asked where it was he told me after he broke in to my apartment last night he took the necklace to his friends house incase we were going to meet up so he could give it to me and he accidently left it there. Blah blah blah.
So anyway, it's back now. I guess I have two points in this really long story. 1) I am very grateful for the love that al-anon members seem to have for one another. (It's something I don't have with my other friends- which makes me think it might be time to re-evalute a few)
And 2) I just hate the idea that someone can make me think I'm literally losing my mind. How can one person make me doubt myself so much? And to that same point, how can one person be so dishonest even after they see me losing my mind over their lies? I was crying, actually sobbing, and nearly hyperventilating over the whole thing. I guess I am just saddened to think that either I am crazy or he is so sick that he has to keep lying even when I am clearly in serious distress.
For me, during my marriage to an AH, the hardest thing was not that he would lie to me, the hardest thing was that he would add insult to injury by declaring that I was CRAZY for thinking he was lying.
NO, you are NOT crazy. Although living with an A can sometimes make us think we are. I'm glad you made that phone call. It's so important to be able to connect with other people who truly understand.
Hi and NO you are not crazy! That is what this disease does to our loved ones and I am so glad to hear you are going to meetings. My exAH would do the same thing and keep me so stirred up so that he could continue doing his things. I hope in time you can find a sponsor and do the steps, that has been huge for me. Keep up the growth!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
WOW WOW WOW .. can I relate to that post as far as the whole "You're crazy!" The worst is when you know your eyes saw what they did and your mind tries to tell you otherwise.
I'm so glad you got the necklace back and NO you are never alone! Although that would freak me out to find my husband in my bed after I specifically said don't come in however nothing would surprise me.
You are working a great program keep up the good work and don't be afraid to use that phone that's what it is for!!!
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
