The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I think the two books that were recommended are very excellent tools.
I also would like to add that 20 years of marriage is a long time Alanon suggests that we make no major life changes until we have been in program for at least 6 months. The reason for that is within the 6 month period of time, we start to see reality, get clarity on our life and can make healthy decisions because we have developed new skills for living.
I assure you that you will not remain the same person in your marriage, if you continue with program.
Please give this a try and be gentle with yourself
-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 29th of January 2012 05:56:33 PM
Hi all I am in a weird state of limbo w AH at the moment; basically I have made it clear that I give up...after 20 yrs of marriage, each one charged w the struggle of me hoping praying etc that things would change and he in the pattern of the disease, I have told him that I think we could achieve a healthier relationship if we were no longer accountable or responsible to each other as partners. He is resistant and using all kinds of reasons why he turns to booze...including me not ever initiating sex! ha! I finally told him today that I have a lot of trouble even being attracted to him at this point.
In other words, things not good here. I feel that this is on me...if I chose to life would continue as it has, if I put up this fight (or in his words, completely abandoning him) then I have destroyed our family!
yikes! I have learned so much here already--I am all ears if anyone has thoughts on this..
The book The Delima of an Alcoholic Marriage is one that really spoke to me and it talks about the sex and what goes with it.
Be aware that change does mean just that change, and it's not a bad thing however it can mean new birth and as mothers we know birth is painful.
Keep coming back, that book for me really opened my eyes on a lot of levels and still is.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
After reading "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews and "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie, I know I made the right decsision for me. We had lots of control and manipulation involved with sex, raising kids, finances and well everything was an issue. Alcoholism infects all that it touches including us. Take Care of yourself and I like what Pushka had to say also. I hope you are able to make it to face to face meetings and find a sponsor for further support. Sending you love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
As usual I feel stronger after reading your responses--thank you! I am committed to working the program and I do understand the wisdom behind not making major changes until after six months in. I am trying--I just feel like giving up some days!
I have had 'The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage' recommended many times--gonna get it tonight.
