The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am a twenty-two year old addict with emotional problems. I am currently in recovery and sober and spent most of 2010 in two treatment centers to help with both my emotional as well as addiction issues.
To make a long story short... My 66 year old father started drinking at home on a regular basis for the first time when I entered treatment. His drinking has progressed to the point where he drinks about one large bottle of Yellow tail from the time he gets home from work until he goes to sleep. In the past year he has been diagnosed with Diabetes and has only increased his drinking since then. When he is approached about the amount he drinks he claims that he drinks because of the economy and the fact that he is not happy at his job.
Recently my long term boyfriend and I decided our parents should meet for the first time at a restaurant. I asked my Mother both on the phone and in an email to ask my father to not drink at this dinner for the benefit of both my alcoholic-sober boyfriend and his relatively newly sober alcoholic father. At this point I am used to being around his drinking when I visit my parents because its very typical. (Upon reflection I should have asked him myself but our relationship is rocky as it is...) As soon as he arrived he sat down and asked both my boyfriend and myself if it was okay if he had some wine....
I felt backed into a corner and both my boyfriend and I said it was fine- but in reality it made me uncomfortable and frankly embarrassed that he even asked.
I'm not used to getting a lot of support for my addiction and despite a stint in rehab my parents are still in denial about the fact that I am indeed and alcoholic/addict. I guess I'm not sure what I am even asking advice for.. But basically I have a front row seat of watching my Father slip into Alcoholism and have no idea what to do about it. He is not a healthy man and I am concerned about the health risks. I am also so surprised about him starting to drink so late in life, does anyone else have a similar experience? How can I approach him about the subject when he refuses to talk about it?
My dad was an alcoholic and abused alcohol most of his life. I chose not to take it personally and leave him responsible for his decisions. There were times when I was angry at him for embarrassing me, etc but I really did leave his addiction and problems in his court. You can't control him and it was actually nice of him and respectful of him to ask you if he could order wine. My dad would have NEVER done that. Kudos to you for getting sober. Just remember that you are your own person and you can't be responsible for anyone else other than yourself. My dad just passed away back in December and I'm so glad that I made peace in my heart with his choice of lifestyle and with him, in general. We never had a great relationship, mainly because I didn't like hanging in bars watching him get drunk, but he was still my dad and I still loved him. Keep coming back, you're welcome here!
Congrats on seeking sobriety for yourself ,there is nothing you can do about your dads drinking you truly are powerless over the choices he makes . Asking an alcoholic to not drink is a sure way to be dissapointed he is after all an alcoholic and drinking is what they do . I suspect your father drank long before you entered treatment he had just hid it well .. you have a right to say how you feel just dont expect that anything will change , accept who he is dont judge and love him ,keep the focus on your own recovery , you are after all the only one you have any control over .. Louise
Its wonderful you are in recovery and working on your own sobriety. What I have learned in al-anon is that the control I thought I had or that need to help and save people was an illusion. Say what you mean, mean what you say, don't say it mean is one thing but saying things repeatedly and trying to control others' choices just drives one to insanity.. i know first hand. Keep the focus on you. My Mom really does not understand addiction either and often makes commenst about how sad it is that my husband can never "have a beer." I just smile now because shes so uneducated. I don't think its sad at all he cant have a beer, there is so much more to life than drinking. Keep coming back, is my "advice" to you.. in al-anon we don't give advice or say what someone should do about a situation.. but we do offer friendly support. If you have yet to go to a f2f al-anon meeting, you may find you really like them.. could go once a week and do n/a or a/a every other night. Welcome to MIP.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
