I had a recognition this week that I can read from the courage to change books, how alanon works, hope for today, one day at a time, 12 steps 12 traditions, etc.. over and over and always and still i hear something new .. it never siezes to amaze me .. the spiritual piece of this program .. well this week I had shared on the same subject a few times and while feeling uncomfortable i had the awareness that I can share redundantly too on whatever it is and hear something new every time .

I spent half the night missing my x partner and man I love believing he must miss me too, etc.. when tonight what I'm recognising is just how much wasn't there .. I never felt it because it didn't exist .. When I think of how quick he was able to leave and not look back and I sat waiting for him to run home telling me he'd made a terrible mistake .. crazy that as I see it I am still shaking my head .. My reality is that while I was falling apart the first four months of his being gone, he was literally high on his substances and taking on new opportunities .. not to take his inventory .. just saying .. It absolutely baffles me when I see some of the illusions I truly believed in .. I had this illusion forever that people could give me what Only God really could .. Him especially . this very sick thinking confused alcoholic who doesn't even want to talk about the gifts or workings of recovery, etc. .. I've waited my whole life for what I find in these meetings here today .. People don't give it God does .. he does work through us all though .. but I have to get it from Him and only then can i bring it to others ..

thanks for letting me share ..