The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My boyfriend is an alcoholic, he's recognized this for years, but has a huge problem with staying sober. He's relapsed a few times since we've been together, he always bounces back and.gets sober within a day or two. He had been sober this last time for a year until a week ago and this is the worst I've seen him.
I feel like I should be doing something to help, but I'm not sure what. I pray for him but it doesn't feel like enough.
It's really taking a toll on our relationship because I feel if he loved me he would want to quit so I wouldn't be hurting like this. I'm not sure what I can do.
Pleas
Hi and welcome First let me say that one of the best things I did when I first came here was read read and read and talk and read. I too felt and believed that if he loved me... he would stop. That belief was sooooo depressing and constricting for me when it turned out he didn't stop.
I have learnt since bieng here, that really... my husband use has nothing to do with me. I learned QTIP, Quit Taking It Personally, I learned that he loves me.. I learned to accept that he is an addict. I then had to decide, am I willing to accept addiction into my life.
The feeling that you are having is so characteristic of so many people, there is actually a book written that is titled "if you loved me you'd stop".
We as mere humans cant change our loved ones use. What we can change is what we allow to happen in our lives, and we can change how we respond to the actions of others... but we can't change them.
To use drugs or drink is my husbands decision for his life... my decisions are "what am I going to do with my life". My husband is an addict and he will do what addicts do.. but what am I going to do......
Today, I have chosen to accept what I cannot change (he is an addict), change the things I can (my reaction to his using and put my boundaries in place), and I often have to ask myself exactly what is it I can change, and what is just my need for control over the world.
