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Hello,
I don't really know how to start this. I'm not even sure if I should be here. But in my heart, I know there is a problem. My husband and I have been married for almost three years. When we first got together and after we got married, we would both drink, mostly socially and for fun. I obviously stopped when I got pregnant and now that our daughter is one, I'll have a drink maybe once a month. I thought that my husband was on the same page although I knew he would get some vodka every once in a while. Well, it turns out that he has been getting a lot more than that. Our bank accounts are separate, he always said because if someone got into one we would still have the other. We recenty connected accounts so that we can have access to both. That's when I started seeing that pretty much every other day, he spends exacty the same amount at the liquor store. This was a surprise ecause I never see him walk in with anything from the store. So I went upstairs where he has a room where he does work on computers. Buried in a drawer, I found five empty vodka pint bottles. The next day he put out the recycling and they were gone. Since then (three days ago) there are two empty bottles. I've asked him how much he drinks to give him a chance to be honest and he tells me he gets a double shot every once in a while. I couldn't believe he lied to me... I don't know how long this has been going on because I am just now making the connection. I see now that when he drinks he is... More rude to me. He falls asleep sitting up in a chair and is impossible to wake up. Im afraid to leave him alone with our daughter because I never know forsure if he's been drinking.
I have not told anyone about this and haven't talke to him about it yet. I am so confused I just don't know what to do. He gets so defensive whenever I have to talk to him about any issues, so I'm just a little nervous. Any advice on what to do next would be so appreciated.
Welcome! I am new to this, but there is so much information here and so many great people. The advice I keep getting is find a meeting and give Al-Anon a chance.
This sounds a lot like how my relationship started with my ABF. We went out and drank socially. I basically just drank on the weekends for fun. I knew he had a few beers after work and he liked to have whiskey too. I just had no idea how much until I moved in with him. He was drinking 3 half gallons of whiskey a week. The more I was around him the more I noticed he had to have it with him everywhere we went. He carried it in the vehicle with him. On the weekends he would start drinking at 10 or 11. He would get angry and start fights over nothing. He showed me a side I didn't know existed. So I moved out. He promised to quit drinking the whiskey, but continued the beer. We got back together. Eventually he started drinking vodka, and then started sneaking whiskey again. Hiding bottles in his truck and around his house. Then after a while just didn't hide it anymore. What's even worse is I found out he began using drugs again. So finally after a huge blowup I told him I just couldn't do it anymore. It was at that point he sought rehab.
He's been clean almost 3 months now. He's had one relapse with alcohol during this three months. It's been so hard and that's why I am here. I can't do this on my own. I can't lose myself in his addictions.
I also encourage you to go to an alanon meeting, you will get tools and understanding of a very cunning, baffling, destructive disease. One thing I can say is that the drinking is not about you, regardless of what is said or not said, nothing you did or didn't do makes him drink.
You didn't cause it, you won't control it and you can't cure it. The three C's I hadn't heard those until I came to the boards and that has been a life line for me in many different situations.
Anyway, keep coming back, it only got better for me when I made the choice to go to alanon and get a sponsor. I put the focus back onto myself and that's when things got better.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
After 15 years of having no alcohol in the house and having a dry husband, my AH started drinking again. I found bottles just like you. I think many of us have been there. Please read a lot of the posts that you see here, you will find many that you can relate to. You've come to the right place. I'm sorry that you feel deceived, it's the nature of their disease. I just recently read "Getting them Sober" and it's really helping me gain perspective on my situation. Find a meeting, read an AL Anon book, and keep coming back: it will give you so much peace. It has for me.
Welcome to MIP. You are in the right place and I am glad you found the courage to share. Face to face Al-anon meetings are also very helpful and some have childcare. I am sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
So glad you have found us. The lying and sneaking are part of the disease. I told my husband so many times, "If you'd just be honest about it, that would solve half the problem." He never was honest, not one single time.
I think you are very wise not to leave him in charge of your daughter. I finally split up with my husband when I found he had been endangering our child. He has the best of intentions and would never knowingly do anything wrong -- but the alcohol distorts their judgements. They just can't think straight any more, even though they think they can.
You have already gotten such good experience, strength and hope, so I just wanted to say welcome. I am so glad you found us here, and I too encourage you to go to a face to face meeting. Sending you tremendous support. You are in the right place. There is help, and you are not alone. Al Anon gave me the information, support, and a place where I could safely tell the truth about my husband's drinking and how it was destroying me. you need not suffer this alone. Again, glad you are here!
