The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I can just share my experience I have had with my sponsor. I have both her home and cell number. She has told me to call anytime, day or night. When she doesn't answer, I usually get a call back within an hour. When she wasn't able to call me back due to an illness, her husband called me to let me know the situation. If she will be out of town, she makes sure to let me know.
With her guidance, I am learning to trust again. I'm learning I am important, but that she has a life and boundaries.
The sponsor-sponsee relationship is truly a gift. Each sponsor is different, just as each sponsee is. Each brings a different approach and experience to the program. Finding the one that works best for you is what is important.
There are times when I get frustrated with my sponsor. It's those moments when I want more guidance--more answers. But, she is amazing in stepping back and allowing me to discover my program. I get to make my own mistakes. I have also come to realize that my sponsor does not know everything. I also need to reach out to other people in the program.
If it doesn't feel right, keep looking.
-- Edited by Very Very Tired on Wednesday 25th of January 2012 02:32:14 PM
-- Edited by Very Very Tired on Wednesday 25th of January 2012 02:32:54 PM
You have received great responses and I would like to add that the most important part of being a sponsor is to take the sponsee thru the Steps. The Steps are the road to recovery and working them in a group is helpful but working them one on one with your sponsor is more powerful and essential.
If you decide to stay with this sponsor maybe you could renegotiate r her position on working the Steps together.
-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 25th of January 2012 10:30:21 PM
I asked someone to be my sponsor last Sunday at my meeting. I called her on Monday at 8:00 p.m. as previously arranged, and no one answered, and so I left a message that I was hoping we could talk. She hasn't called back, and her daughter's voice was on the voice mail prompt. Her daughter said she'd get the message to her mom, but if she didn't call back I was out of luck (something like that). Any how it wasn't a good feeling, and I feel like I perhaps chose the wrong sponsor. I was thinking of trying again. She also indicated we didn't need to cover the steps as there is a Thursday nite meeting to study the steps at our Al Anon club. I am somewhat disappointed and feel rejected ( a carry over from years of not being able to trust people). Should I try again with her? Or should I keep looking? I feel that a sponsor should at least call back, but maybe the daughter didn't relay the message. Ifeel like this is someone I probably won't beable to count on.
I'm brand new to this. I don't have a sponsor yet either, but I don't think I would use this person. You want somebody that you feel comfortable with and that you are sure you can count on.
I just asked my sponsor to be my sponsor last Friday. We talked, she said call anytime and she'll get right back to me. We talked for a minute at the meeting last night. She gave me the book Pathway to Recovery and told me to journal and read and then when I'm ready we can meet for coffee.
I agree with VVT about each sponsor/sponsee being different. If you don't feel comfortable then perhaps it's really not the right person. It's intimidating to even ask, and that is so wonderful that you did!
My suggestion is to call her again and ask. We could speculate forever about what may have happened and get ourselves all worked up. But the truth is, we just don't know what happened and it can be easily fixed with another call.
I came to al-anon with very reactive, black and white, all or nothing thinking. Life had been very harsh. This beautiful program taught me to be more gentle with myself and to others, and to treat others the way I want to be treated. Life is so much nicer.
It's true, she may not be the right sponsor for you. But it's waaay too early to know that. For myself, I am grateful when people give me more than one chance.
Glad you're here. Try giving her a call and let us know what happened. ((hugs)))
__________________
The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
My understanding is that the person is to be a guide to the program........read the STICKYs at the top of the subject list on the posts.
Not long ago someone on this site asked me to be her sponsor and I declined.
There were a number of reasons, one being that I am fairly short and sharp.
This may have hurt her, even though it was not easy for me to say no.
We need to realise too....that anyone in the Al-Anon program has their up and down days and they may feel ....depending on their own needs that they have to choose the time when they can think clearly to be available for another.
I was fortunate to have a dear friend in Al-Anon who was my sponsor for 25 yrs....she died about eight years ago and I miss her ....I have never had a close friend since that used the program as she did.
But she also continued throughout her life to have continual challenges, as we all do....and there were times for her too that she was 'down in the deep'.
I am grateful for all of the responses I received, and the support. I will work this one out. After struggling with this dilemna, I concluded I must also consider my feelings and what I expect of being sponsored, that's important too. In 2 minutes she told me what I need to do, and that's sort of what I was looking for a quick fix, and maybe that's not always the greatest approach to something so complex. I also printed the role of the sponsor from your website, which was very helpful. I thank you all again.
