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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> New and confused!
Post Info TOPIC: New and confused!
stefani74


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New and confused!
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I have been lurking around and I have finally decided that YES maybe I do need Al-Anon more that I wanted to admit.

I have an ABF who is really struggling right now and I am finding it hard to cope.  He gets to wanting a drink really bad and he just shuts himself out from the rest of the world.  He feels like I am his rock and supposed to have the answers for him.  But I don't have the answers.  I don't know what to say to him when he's wanting a drink or when he gets moody and depressed over it.  And lately all I can see is this sad person that isn't happy with me or us and that tends to make me wonder why I can't make this man happy.  When in reality it has nothing to do with me.  He just wants a drink.   I can't always be there for him, I won't always have the right things to say.  So I have been getting frustrated with it, a little depressed too because I just don't know how to deal with the situation or if I can keep dealing with it.  I find myself asking if he will ever be able to just be happy? 

I need something for me, to find my peace and serenity. And I hope this is the right place! :)

 



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Debilyn


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Glad you are here. It is the best way to help those we love who are A's.

We take care of us and work at not allowing their disease, their problem make us ill.

He is doing what they call "white Knuckling." It's like clenching your teeth trying to get thru something. Sadly in time it won't stop him. It is up to him to find AA, rehab, etc to get help with his cravings They are experienced and are the only ones who can support him in a healthy way.

Its up to us if we want to bring home literature for them. I choose to leave it all in their hands, as it is their journey their choice. If he gets miserable enough, and really really wants to go into recovery, he will do it.

Besides just not drinking means about nothing usually. Its like almond, butter pecan with chocolate brownie bites with out the almonds....is still ice cream....(I am hungry) (c:

There is  a number and site at the end of my post for you to find an Al Anon meeting place. The more you know, the more you help him and you. I hope you keep coming!

love,debilyn  Book,"Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drew volume 1



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
stefani74


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He started out in a two week in-patient rehab program, followed by a four week intensive out-patient where he went daily for 8hrs, and now he goes just once a week, plus he goes to AA 3-4 times a week. So he's not doing this on his own. So he's got the Big Book and knows the Steps and has people that want to help. Not sure if he wants it bad enough.

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Lindaoakford


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Hi
Your words as I read them so far show much insight.
You are correct when you say it isn't you.. he just wants a drink... You say "it has nothing to do with me" I wish I had my head around that bit when I started, that was the hardest but the best bit for me to understand.

Welcome

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Linda - a work in progress
GailMichelle


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stefani74 wrote:

I need something for me, to find my peace and serenity. And I hope this is the right place! :)

 

 Welcome!  This board is great.  You'll learn a lot and give lots of support.

One of the things that helped me find my peace and serenity is weekly Al-Anon meetings.  I hope you consider attending meetings in your area ASAP.  Please try at least 6 meetings before deciding it's not for you.

I wish you the best.



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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light.  Lama Surya Das

Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die.  Malachy McCourt
stefani74


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I went to two Al-Anon meetings early in his recovery, but there are very few in this area. However I have already decided to make it a point to make at least one a week, and work the steps.  It's something I know I need to do for me. I love this man regardless of his addiction and we are planning a future together.  I have my own faults and issues to work through.  And from what I have learned about the 12 Steps, I gotta start looking at ME and focus on my life and not worry so much about him and what he's doing or not doing. And that's so hard for me to do.  



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danni


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Sending you tremendous support! I am sorry you are having to go through this pain, but I am glad to hear you are open to going to meetings again. The meetings have helped change me and my life in a way I could have never imagined--whether my AH is drinking or not. The addict is responsible for his or her own recovery, just as we are solely responsible for ours. You deserve the help that is available and that you have reached out for! Glad you are here.

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danni


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p.s. I just read your response to surfgirl, and I immediately thought of the book, The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage, which I bought at a meeting, It was very helpful for me in living with my AH. Just a suggestion :)

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stefani74


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Thanks for the welcome. So far it's a good day. He's been doing his "homework" for his rehab counselor today. And we have been actually talking and not throwing harsh words back and forth. I haven't cried yet so yeah it's a good day! :) One day at a time right?

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