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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> where was my reaction?
Post Info TOPIC: where was my reaction?
Lindaoakford


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where was my reaction?
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Hey there,

Hubby has been down on work lately.  Not much on for him.  I have been thinking.. well that means the smoking increases.  I accepted that for what it is. 

I was wrong.

I am not 100% sure cos I haven't really been checking up that much but since we got back from holidays I think he has maybe smoked two or three times (three weeks).  I had a bit of a hard time when we first got back.. not sure what that was about.. high anxiety... but I'm all good now.

I met him for lunch yesterday.  I didn't ask if he had smoked.  He sounded ok either way.  He wasn't working.  I got home from work in the afternoon (he was expecting me a little bit later than I was) and he said there was a funny smell but he wasn't sure what it was. 

I sniffed about and we decided it was the wet dog inside (she had been inside for a couple of hours during a storm earlier that day).  He said to me... I had a pipe earlier but I don't think thats the smell.  My response.. nah thats not it.... hey.. did you ahve the dog up here.

I noticed there was no icy hand gripping my insides.  No hesitation in my natural continuation of the conversation at hand.  No look or feeling of shock.  No immediate need to question the whys and wherefores (I asked a question or two later on). 

Where was my reaction????

We had a nice night and it didn't interfere with my evening.  It wasn't that I 'didn't allow it to not have an action', it actually didn't bother me at all.  I didn't think about it. 

Later it occured to me that it hadn't changed my night.  I asked him what he smoked and he answered and I went back to my book.

hmph.. I remember when I first came here someone said to me that I will stop when I stop.  I will just look back one day and realise that I have stopped (obsessing, checking).  I printed it out but I can't remember who wrote it to me. (sorry.. if you identify a voice here, let me know..pinkchip? Jerry? RLC?)

"How do I know when I am ready to go on a diet?  because I wil have lost weight.  How do I know when I am done being addicted to trying to change someone elses behaviour?  because one day I will realise I haven't done it for a few months, and instead of fight, instead of trying to overcome it, I won by surrendering and realising I am powerless over it on a gut level."

Maybe I am nearly done?

 



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Linda - a work in progress
Debilyn


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(c: we are always progressing, learning. Different situations come up. Hormones change.

Like anything else, sometimes it may still bug us but generally it won't.

I have a cat I have had thirteen years. winnie, a big big fluffy orange ginger. I have been noticing she is ALWAYS in front on top underneath in the way of what I am doing!

I think its funny most the time, and am really amazed its true. Other times I want to pull my hair out....Not often though.

Mostly was not bugged by A's  using becuz I knew it was  a disease. He could not help it. I would definitely be more patient with someone who was suffering another disease.

You look to me that you are maturing, working the program! Feels good huh?

I am sure you husband is more relaxed and loves you more.

hugs,debilyn

 



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LostToday


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Good for you :) May you keep your serenity always.

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