The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So for most of you guys that replied to my previous post. It has been about a week and a half since I cut it off with my DA boyfriend. He has tried to get in touch with me but I ignore his 3rd party messangers. I have been happy because he has been out of sight and out of mind.
I have kept telling myself there is better out there and i will find better. It doesnt matter what happens to him but only for my future and benefit.
However, I decided to look at his case file and he has a hearing tomorrow for defendent motion for ROR (release on own recoginitoon)
I am kinda nervous because tomorrow is his visiting also, I decided to stop going which has been hard but now I am going to be even more anxious tomorrow because I want to know if he would be released or not. I feel like I have to mentally prepare myself for either:
-Him getting out and calling me and me being strong enough to hang up and keep going
or
-me being strong enough if he does get out and doesnt call me at all or go back to her or just forget about me like i was the bad guy!
I feel like I would be more hurt if he gets out and acts like a saint and thinks he is gonna have his family and everyone will welcome him with open arms. Wouldnt be surprised if she takes him back.
I just hope I can keep my sanity going and not get upset if he gets out. I want him to stay locked up.
I dk how judges would be with carjacking, domestic violence and VOP.
This would be a GREAT day for an Alanon meeting. Sitting alone with your worries and your thoughts can be replaced with sitting with a warm group of people who will support you through this. If you can't get to a meeting, the Alanon website has podcasts and there are other sites that have Alanon speaker tapes that you can listen to for free! Fill your ears with recovery and not your own thoughts/or his words/nonwords and you'll have a greater chance at serenity :).
Alanon meeting for me is many an answer right there when I feel even just a little vulnerable. Hugs, sending you support and love, P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
The strength doesn't come from wishing it to be so. It come from going to alanon meetings and developing a better relationship with your higher power. Have you been to face to face meetings yet?
Hard times call for a lot of support. I can hope you can find a good face-to-face meeting and a sponsor. No one should have to go through this without enough support.
Remember that if he goes back to her, that doesn't mean that you're the bad guy! It's means you're the HEALTHY guy! Because addicts want people who are unhealthy to support them in their chaos and insanity. If he goes back to her, that would be a WIN for you. Because it would mean you'd moved beyond the chaos and insanity. He doesn't go to the person who's been the best and who wins the prize. He goes to the person who's the sickest and who he can manipulate the easiest. The person who gets the Sickest Person Award doesn't win anything worth having.
But whatever he does, he's gonna do, as the saying goes, right? You deserve a good and happy life and that's what you're working on making happen. Keep on taking very good careful of yourself.
