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I posted last week that I asked my husband to leave our house for awhile. This weekend we had a long talk. I agreed to let him come back home if he would go to rehab.
We did a lot of research online over the weekend and drove past a few of the local centers. He promised to make calls about his insurance coverage this morning. His insurance company's customer service wasn't open over the weekend.
He doesn't want to attend an inpatient program. He believes he will do well in an outpatient program. I'm not so sure I agree. It's too bad there is no middle ground. It seems like the inpatient programs are really intense for at least 28 days. The outpatient programs are only 2 or 3 days per week for a couple hours.
Does anybody else have experience with the different choices in rehab centers? Any opinions you'd like to share?
I know two people who have done outpatient rehab (both completed outpatient rehab before I became acquainted, or re-acquainted, with them).
My AH completed "intensive outpatient rehab" about 5 years ago, after he received his third DUI. In retrospect, I can see how outpatient rehab helped him to stop drinking, but was not the place *he* needed for real recovery. Naturally, he is actively drinking again, and it has been a slow escalation over a two year period.
I had a friend several years ago who also completed outpatient rehab. For him, it was successful both in terms of stopping his use of alcohol and drugs, AND in terms of real emotional recovery.
So...I guess I'm saying that it depends on the alcoholic. Good luck!
I think rehab was very beneficial to my husband. He stayed for three weeks which is not a long amount of time but he was really doing everything he was asked. The key, however, is that they want it. My husband was in rehab three times before this last time and none stuck because he was not ready. He always thought he could still drink, just not drug, or he did not change his friends outside and hung around active addicts. This last time my husband really left rehab like a new man. He has a different outlook on the world. whether that lasts or he turns back into the old him, I dont know the future, but I can tell you his rehab stay gave him and his loved ones hope; hope that its possible. I know he knows what he just has to do ... but that is up to him to do. I am not his sponsor, his doctor, his therapist, or his parole officer (he does not have one of those but he does get urine tests at his outpatient.) It is crucial that when the loved one leaves rehab they follow up with EVERY piece of recovery they are told to do.. that is usually 90 in 90 of AA, get a sponsor, and some sort of psychiatric follow up with meds possibly, and outpatient therapy. My husband has done everything. He goes to outpatient therapy three times a week three hours each time. BUt his time spent in rehab really seemed to get his mind where it needed to be.
Are you receiving your own treatment? al-anon, therapy, etc? I hope so because his recovery is on his shoulders and yours is on yours. I have been set free from receiving my own individual therapy and going to al-anon and getting on these boards. I have come to be grateful for what I have with my husband but not bank on him for my happiness. I can now say that no matter what happens I know I will get through it. I have an HP to rely on and that has actually made my husband and I much closer spiritually and emotionally. Good luck and keep up posted, I hope.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
Since this is such a serious illness, I believe that the more help one can get the better. The As I know who have done well in the long-term, did EVERYTHING. That is, they did inpatient (28 days) AND outpatient (months) AND AA meetings (for life) AND therapy (for a long time). My girlfriend has 22 years sober and for her she believes that rehab set a solid recovery foundation. She WANTED recovery, so that was an essential ingredient and she was VERY sick with the alcoholism and needed the care that intensive treatment can provide. She also swears by and is deeply invested in the Steps.
BUT since it's his recovery, only he can choose to get serious about it and do everything he needs to without hedging his bets. Also, alcoholics are excellent at bargaining--if you let me back in, I'll go to rehab, etc. but don't always live up to their promises. It's important to know that he can do rehab from wherever he is living whether or not he lives with you is a separate issue.
For me, Alanon + therapy + spiritual practices have done wonders.
Unfortunately, nothing will work if the alcoholic isn't ready. My AH went to six rehabs (mostly inpatient) in 2009 alone and still didn't get sober until a year later. He has been to 11 in his lifetime.
I'm not trying to discourage you, but, as someone else said, it's really up to the alcoholic.
I know that feeling of enormous hope and yearning that he will finally go to rehab and the nightmare will be over. Unfortunately the word "reluctantly" worries me here. So many people relapse after rehab -- it takes a real conviction and determination to make it work. I think if I were you I would leave the arrangements and everything entirely to him. For him to succeed he needs to "own" the decision and be determined on his own.
My ex-AH was court-ordered into rehab. He agreed and went, but after he had relapsed he saw it as "They made me, they were just full of %$*&, they didn't understand that I'm really fine as I am" (that is, fine drinking). He was able to blame it on other people. Not that there's no danger of relapse if he decides he wants to go into rehab, just that the more they "own" the decision, the greater the chance that they'll take it seriously. Just my thoughts. I hope all goes well for you. And good for you for protecting yourself.
I know people who have been to inpatient, and used again..... I know people who went to outpatient, and got sober..... Similarly the reverse is also true....
It's all good.... he's on a journey, and he'll get sober when he is truly 'sick and tired of being sick and tired'.... Is that now?? Who knows.... I see it all as positive steps......
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
AA is the treatment for Alcholism in the long-term. I agree with Mattie that the word "reluctant" is disconcerting. The word "willingness" is one of the most major and recurrent terms in all of the AA literature and "reluctant" is the opposite of that. Typically when a newcomer or a relapsed person comes to AA and begins working with a new sponsor, they will be asked "To what lengths are you willing to go to stay sober?" The honest answer to that needs to be "to any lengths" or the person does not have good chances at staying sober.
You mentioned in another post that he had been to AA. What does his sponsor think? That would be important. Does he even have a sponsor? I can tell you from my own experience that getting sober starts with a burning willingness and desire to change. Sobriety continues with ongoing work and dedication to AA. Inpatient vs. outpatient treatment are good adjuncts or ways to get a person really started in sobriety, but only if it accompanies a total surrender and acceptance of having the disease of alcholism/addiction and then a willingness to follow up through developing a strong AA foundation and program.
I detoxed on my own and did over 90 AA meetings in 90 days. I was very willing and wanted it more than anything. Reluctant was nowhere in my vocabulary or thoughts.
Tonight is his first night in an outpatient program. He set everything up himself. I didn't have to force him into it. I hope that is a good sign.
He has been sober in the past for over 2 years. He used AA alone last time. I guess it wasn't enough. This latest relapse has lasted a few months.
I won't get my hopes up too high. I am keeping my head on straight, but I'm also staying positive. Even if it doesn't work, at least he will hopefully learn a little bit from it. It can't hurt.
I'm going to my second Alanon meeting tonight. I'll continue to focus on myself and let him focus on himself.
I am sure AA was enough. My guess is that he didn't do enough AA. Nobody relapses while going to 7 meetings a week (very rare). Good to hear that you are keeping expectations reasonable. Sometimes working an alanon program of your own actually keeps you on the same page as a family and takes the worry and focus off whether he will succeed.
