The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So I did my step 4-7 a while back and was ready to start moving on but then these character defects come popping up like stubborn weeds. This woman at work has been talking about how much she dislikes me and this really urks me.. I feel like we are in highschool and she is at least twenty years older than me. know it shouldn't bother me because
a. its her business and b. I dont really like her either....we just don't mesh.
Okay, so I have been very confused over why this bothers me and then I was really parnoid about what other people were saying about me. It was becoming obsessive. This was an every day activity for me before al-anon. I thought it was normal to let everyone's theoris of me bring me down and worry constantly about pleasing others. I can't please everyone. I tried, it was impossible.
My sponsor has been out of town for weeks and will be for weeks more (she's retired and went away for a looong vacation.) I decided I needed to call her yesterday and talk about it and it almost instantly helped me. Today, at work, I made a list, like Betty had mentioned on the step board. I listed the resentments, the reasons why, and how it affects me. I discovered my resentments that have returned affect my self esteem.. my self worth. I realized how silly it all is. I know who I am, I know where I stand with my higher power. Everything I ever did that gave her any reason to dislike me was out of care for children (not to get into great detail but I work with children and have had to report some things.) So her choices to dislike me or the anger she has for me, why should I take that personally. They are her own demons. So, I stared at the word document where I wrote down my resentments. I just prayed about each one and sort of handed the problem over to my HP.. then I deleted them one by one. I have felt better every since. This program works differently for everyone but it really does work. I can't explain it. Its honestly a miracle to me; the changes I see in my husband and I feel inside. It does not make any logical sense, whatsoever, but it is, it just is. I won't be going out to dinner with this woman who dislikes me, any time soon but I do plan to just 'kill her with kindness' as my sponsor told me to do. She can hate me even because it comes from her own insecurities and/or fears. I will focus on my own.
"Someone's opinion of you does not have to become your reality." -Les Brown
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
Hugs Michelle, one of the most meaningful statements I have taken in over the last year is "what you think of me is none of my business" - I have used it repeatedly and it is incredibly liberating for me. This post brings to mind The Rainmaker - a favorite of mine, movie where Starbuck says "your ugly Lizzy" and she replies "no I'm not, I'm Beautiful!" (he working to help her change her self-image). When someone says to us "you are _________" it is up to us to say "no I'm not, I'm ________________". And you are!
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
You are correct--Thios program works differently for everyone.. That is one of the big reasons we suggest tools that a member could use in a situation instead of judging another member or giving advise.
I believe that each person has the answers for there life within. Using these tools helps us to go within, search out our own answers and own our own recovery
I love your process. I, too, have been having some challenges worrying about what others are thinking about me. I find that the more honest I am with myself about my accountability, the less others' opinions matter. When I am trying to B.S. myself, my worry of others' thoughts intensifies. Once I am honest, then it is easier for me to remember that I need look no further than myself and my higher power for validation. Thanks for your honesty and your experience.
I remind myself of this often. I think it goes along with "what other people think of me is none of my business". It's easy for me to start worrying over this and I don't have to. Thank you so much for sharing!
