Already told my sponsor the "positive traits" part of my step 4... tomorrow's time for the scary part!

My list of things to tell my sponsor is ready... 15 things to discuss in all... one character defect I am terrified of discussing, followed by 13 that aren't that hard to admit to, and then one thing from my childhood that I am extremely confused about.

Good or bad, I just want this to be over...

That went well.

I did it wrong -- because we weren't using the Blueprint, I wasn't quite sure what should and shouldn't go on the list, so I made a list of everything I thought was wrong with me. Most of which didn't meet my sponsor's definition of "character defect", or were different forms of my biggest character defect (fearfulness). There were also a few character defects that didn't make the list that should have (like manipulating) which I didn't even realize until she asked me about them... next week we'll go over a list of character defects and go "yes" or "no" to each to make sure I haven't missed anything else.

But I think it's good that I did it wrong, because I got to tell some secrets I otherwise wouldn't have told (because they're not "character defects"), and it felt good to get those off my chest. I went all the way with this -- there are NO deep dark secrets I've never told anyone now, because my sponsor knows them all.

And she didn't recoil from me in horror, or decide that these make me a bad person, or... on the two things I was most scared to tell her, one turned out to be an "everyone does that" thing, and the other a "that wasn't your fault, and you should discuss this further with a therapist" thing. Those two things had been hanging over my head for YEARS -- I feel better knowing that somebody else knows them, and didn't judge me for them the way I judge myself -- it won't totally stop me beating myself up over them, but it will at least cast some doubt next time I feel like hating myself for them.