Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> What is wrong with this picture?
Post Info TOPIC: What is wrong with this picture?
Highlyfavored


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 164
Date:
What is wrong with this picture?
Permalink  

My 2 adult A/A children both live nearby, as a matter of fact they live together.  I'm a retired 71 y.o. woman who live alone and love it.  My 16 y.o. grandson  just recently moved back home with his mother.  My son is on ssi due to a disability, (progressively crippling) he is far from that now.  He uses alcohol and I'm not sure of the drugs, other than marj. and that doesn't count as a drug for them.  My daughter lives with her young b/f, and her 16 y.o. who just returned to her from my house.  Her 7 y.o. daughter lives 200 miles away with her dad, she doesn't work, and hasn't worked in 7yrs.  She lives on her sons ss that he recieves due to a learning disability.  Her b/f doesn't work, they get food stamps.  Recently I've been letting her do my weekly housecleaning.  My son lost his liscense due to DUI, my daughter claims to have her liscense, but I believe she is lying because I know she got a speeding ticket a while ago.  Her 26 y.o. son lost his liscense and need rides from time to time.  My daughter gives an old broke down car, she lost the last of the cars I've passed on to her.   My problem; I stay pretty busy with church, alanon meetings, friends, shopping, hobbies, my male friend, who live out of town, but come regular or I go to see him.  I also enjoy a long devotional time each a.m. I am finding myself feeling pressured by them wanting me to be available for them.  My son called me first thing in the morning, I asked him not to call before 9am , wanting to know what I'm going to do that day and could he go with me or bring him some dog food etc.  I told him I maybe going to see my friend, he wants to go and be dropped off at his girfriends on the way.  I could go on and on, I want to tell them to get a life.  I know they love me and want to be around me, but I don't like "broke" people around me all the time. 



__________________

Just go a step at a time, one day at a time.  And you'll find a rich, thankful life you never thought you could afford.--A Rogers

Gettingitright!
maryjane


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1152
Date:
Permalink  

Hi,
Your kids have chosen their lives. Either through what they did or what they didn't do, they chose. And so do you. You don't owe them ANYTHING. I know they love you and you love them, but you can chose how much you want to see them too. I don't think you have to "talk" it out with them. Just say no. If they ask what you are doing, say what you are doing, or say you don't know. Be ready to say no to their request. Or say yes if YOU want to. But do it for you. Because it makes you feel good, not resentful.

__________________
maryjane
pinkchip


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 5663
Date:
Permalink  

You are not obligated to keep doing for them. Also, there is always hope that they will make their way into AA and really get sober. That is where the long term fix is for them anyhow. It sucks how you are powerless over their crappy choices and perpetual drug and alcohol induced problems.

__________________
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3653
Date:
Permalink  

I invite you to think about caller ID, and a message thingy. Then you can choose if you want to answer or not. Or even turn off the ringer and check your calls when you feel like it.

I don't have a phone right now. I do not miss it. Wish I didn't need one but with doc app. or when someone ALWAYS screws up your internet bill, AND the old Dish bill...ugh

Anyway my Mother had to learn to say no. I was soooo glad. Never would have wanted her to do things she really didn't want to then or whatever.

Am so glad you have such a full life! Good for you! We do our kids nor anyone any favors by doing stuff for them they need to learn to do for themselves.

Your "job" with them is over. hugs,debilyn



__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> What is wrong with this picture?