My self worth - Al-Anon Family Group

MelB · Veteran Member

My self worth

glad lee · ~*Service Worker*~

((Melanie))

you are okay, my friend. You are okay!

But if you were raised in an alcoholic home, or spent time living in the insanity of addiction, you may indeed feel like you are NOT okay, that you don't matter... I kept telling the counselor that I felt invisible. I had a big gaping hole in the center of my being, that longed to be filled. I felt so confused, like I just didn't belong on this planet. No doubt there is an illusion of power in sexuality, I can get lots of attention by using my sexuality, and many other things... but that power is not real. I need a Power Greater to make me feel good about ME.

The process is one day at a time, sweetie, there is no magical quick fix. You are on the road to recovery, be patient that the healing will come. It will. If it worked for me, it can work for you. Try doing what the old-timers here do.... be persistent in recovery, otherwise, our old thinking pops up. My brain is not my friend, it's too familiar with living in the dis-ease.

I strongly suggest attending face to face meetings, that's where it became real for me, it includes the warmth of real validation and real hugs.

Make it real, sweetie. Treat yourself to some meetings, you will feel a big difference. The internet was my stepping stone to meetings. It's working well for me.

(((hugs)))

maryjane · ~*Service Worker*~

There is a "plan" for life. Things are unfolding just as they should be. I know that my HP (who started out as Mother Nature because I could see the power of nature's processes) is in charge of my life, but also of everyone else's life. All I have to do is live one day at a time. I have to see the good. I have to do the good. Read uplifting things. Take them to heart. When I got into Alanon 11yrs. ago all I wanted was to be happy like I was before I met the alcoholic. I have almost met my goal. It is so much better now.

Michelle814 · ~*Service Worker*~

I started a quote/thought/reflection book. I carry it all the time and write things in it whenever I have anything I want to hold onto. I recommend this for you. It may help clear some cob webs and you can jot down things that are of value to you. When I have a spiritual experience I write it in there or if i hear something that hits home with me too. Be gentle with yourself. You are on a path and it is leading your through some interesting places.. you came back to this site and that is huge. I agree that you should get to face to face meetings probbaly to as many as you can without it being too difficulty. We're here for you on this board.

ythannah · Senior Member

"Loving" myself seems like such a tall order at the best of times.... an impossible hurdle at the worst of times. In addition to having alcoholic parents, they were emotionally and mentally abusive, and I crawled out of my childhood with absolutely NO self-esteem.

I found it much easier to work toward "accepting" myself. I may not ever get to "love" but I can certainly achieve acceptance of the various aspects of me, even if I accomplish that one characteristic at a time.

Although I knew I was gaining ground when in the midst of an argument with the ex ABF, I actually heard the words "I love myself too much to put up with..." come out of my mouth!

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Are you reading any Al-anon literature or able to make meetings these things always help me. My sponsor is also helpful to walk me through when my self esteem crashes. Make a gratitude list and know that you are worth it! Imagine how much your HP loves you and try to treat yourself accordingly. Sending you love and support!

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Part of how I learned to like me was when I volunteered and helped start a food coop.I had been a mom raising my babies at home.

Then I got hired. Next thing I know I am a manager. Was told how efficient I was etc. I was shocked. I had no idea.

My belief is the way we learn to know our self and like that person, is how we go thru the challenges we put ourselves in.If we are stagnant, what's to see?What is to learn?

I took those self awareness classes. Counseling helped me too.

The media is horrible on women. They have no appreciation for uniqueness, coloring outside the lines. There is that one beautiful painted up woman,skinny, blond, anorexic looking, they almost look like a herion addict. And they don't usually smile.

They air brush all those photos and movies,also they wear a ton of makeup.

It is no wonder we grow up questioning our not looking like what the media says what beauty is.

I started loving being a woman again. this was after I just had my babies and my body was back but a bit different. I realized I liked my curves, my softness, that I wore pretty nighgowns and a lot of lacey stuff. nice perfume, pretty hair. Just liked me. Being a woman is very powerful.

There really is no man that will tell a confidant, feminine, knows what she wants, woman, no.

This is not true of men. Remember we go what they want....

I am not saying be loose,not at all. But you are beautiful just becuz you are a woman.

I invite you to look in the mirror. Pick one thing you like about you. your eyebrows. really get into it and realized you do like them, their shape their color etc. then pick something else.

Also look into your heart, what do you like about your compassion? Your ease to forgive?

I like that I love to eat good food, love flowers and plants, animals, listening to people laugh, mens arms, I like that I love to kiss. I am a giver, listener, usually happy, content.

Worked on these things a long time.

It is totally up to you. A good counselor can guide you. I asked my counselor what do you do if you don't like part of your body? She said,'I cover it up." lol she always wore pretty flowy long skirts and a see thru type material for a top.

Dress in what flatters you own particular shape. NO ONE is like the women you see in magazines and on tv, they don't really look like that. So find that beauty in you, your own unique beauty and intelligence.

I am not young anymore. But I still like my soft skin and some things...if I had a husband I would still wear pretty nightgowns and lacy stuff under everything else.(c:

Its lots of self care too. Get you that wonderful lotion, soaps etc. treat yourself to massages, a new puppy, a fun hair cut and or color. have all your nails done.

We go thru so many changes in our lives. I mean physically. fun tomboys then about 11 we get the fun hormone stuff and boobs start growing and other things appear, then we hit the hormonal thing to want a guy. We are in our best shape, get married. then we are pg changed again have the baby,changed again and cont changing until we mellow out again. Then all of a sudden it is menopause ugh OK thats enough!!!! no then our skin gets funny,no haha either, and we hurt. hey what are those lines and lumps in my legs???

So here are some ideas. I used to think I was too fat for sex. I was not even fat. even if I was what a dumb concept. Believe me been there!!! took about a year, found me and never went back.

Remember I shared I NEVER say mean things to me, like oh you are so dumb, ugly, fat, hairy whatever NEVER tell myself negative talk. I learned to say, stop it, then put in I am ok just how I am. And I still believe that!

That is self abuse. So what nice thing have you said to you today?

I smile a lot too. that helps big time.

glad you are here, let us know what you are doing to work on this.

hugs,debilyn

rehprof · ~*Service Worker*~

MEL!!!

I am a successful, attractive professional woman..who on a daily basis is full of self-loathing. The things that I tell myself in my head are BRUTAL, and make me deeply hopeless.

Things that help me are:

I am NOT my thoughts -- I don't have to believe them.

When I get stuck with the bad tapes playing (e.g., the what ifs) I consciously say to myself, sometimes out loud -- CHANGE THE CHANNEL. I DON"T LIKE WHAT IS PLAYING. sometimes I have to get up and physically move and do sometthing to get the tapes to stop.

I read ALL of melodie beatties work -- but language of letting go has been a god send to me.

I write a 2 sided journal -- on one side I write the "lemons" and on the other "how I can make lemonade"

so one self-criticism of mine is that I am too intense (lemon)...but in truth, that makes me a person who feels deeply and passionately (lemonade). When I have trouble reframing the negatives about me, I have a friend help.

I also bought a 10000 lux SAD light which research has shown works as well as antidepressants for many people...and for me it felt safer than changing meds.

Hang in there Mel...there are people out here who need you...and we will be strong at our broken places.

sending you amazon woman warrior strength... smile

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