Good morning fellow shippers ? I'm starting an Intern this morning and am nervous. Of course my confidence isn't all that because I put it off for a year and am just now returning. It wasn't waisted time, however, I am feeling the effects of my procrastination in that I've forgotten many things through the year. They will come back but it isn't the most self esteeming feeling to begin confused in secret .. As if others won't notice .. hmm

I've been thinking of this though in that anytime I've prayed for something or asked prealanon I would always pray for a spiritual awareness into someone Else .. as if that will do Me any good .. What have I been asking for that God will help me to figure out how to control someone else ?? The things I tell him I need ... insanity it is .. Well that piece I began doing this morning and then began asking him for guidance into Me through this Intern of 12 weeks.

It also, however, made me think of judgments .. In the past, prealanon, I remember the times I would have begun planning my conversations, etc.. and then assessing how they would turn out .. It's made me think of how insane i was before this program and still am which is why I will Forever keep coming .. But i began seeing how could I Ever have possibly thought I could map out or piece together Anything including conversations .. I may have had conversations with some for what 3-4 times and suddenly I (Think) I know what they would say or how they would act ?? I've always tried to mind read and because I was enmeshed with so many in my mind it was only Natural to (Think) others could read my mind .. why wouldn't they ?? They were Right here in it ..

Insanity .. anyway I just needed to voice my fears outloud this morning .. keeping them in the dark is what is Not of God .. The fact I have them is human nature .. My mind Always goes to the Negative (Disease thinking First) which is why I need to take a moment and get it out First ..

Thanks Again !!