The material presented
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level.
Divorce is a long process in my state...and this week, on Friday I have mandatory mediation.
AH will get (by law) 1/2 my retirement...which he intends to live on since he has not worked in 2 years (he lives with his sister since I told him to leave a year ago november).
He tells me he is entitled to alimony (Imake $57K a year) but I'm having all I can do to pay for our mortgage ($1500/month) and heating etc.
I'm supposed to feel grateful that he is not going for alimony...(if that is indeed the case) -- I get paid once a month, and at the end of the month I'm lucky if I have 50 bucks in my account. Now his lawyer thinks I should continue to take care of him. How is his addiction and inability to get a job my fault? OY
I know life isn't fair...I've been dragging my heels on filling out the affidavits and other crap for court...I'm tired...and I want the good guys to win just one....
I hope all goes well for you today. Yes...life isn't always fair .
I would just say to try and feel grateful that all this may soon be coming to an end for you and maybe you can find the peace and serenity you deserve.
Praying for you and for things to go well in court. I'm sorry that this is such a process and I know the court system seems to rarely be fair these days.
Even in reverse situations where a woman hasn't been head of household I assume in most states it's still required they get some kind of job and support themselves. That has been my understanding and what I have witnessed in 2 different situations one the age was 50's and the other was 60's. One where minor children were involve dad made BIG bucks and will be shelling out BIG bucks for a LONG time. You have to make well over 300k a year for that kind of thing to happen.
That is so not fun about the retirement and that is not right. I am sending lots of support and prayers.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I don't understand this process or system you are speaking of - it doesn't make sense to me. I sort of understand the 1/2 retirement piece - but, if he worked prior to the last 2 years, didn't he have retirement as well? How long have you been married?
I think I am partly baffled because I am trying to make a decision similar to the one you've made, and I'm battling my own fears about things like this.
I wish you all the best - and hope you continue to keep us updated.
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"The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself."
Sorry, this doesnt sound fair to me. Do YOU have a lawyer, someone on your behalf to give you legal advise? Any kids involved? Please don't sign anything until you look into this, it sounds kinda out of balance.
In Support, Oldergal
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Don't Worry About Growing Old, It Is A Privilege For Some Of Us.....
Oh Rehprof, I understand. I am working through this same stuff. In fact, our stories are quite similar! Last week, I got myself totally worked up into a rage, thinking - how is this fair that I have to give him half my retirement! When this whole time I have been telling him he needs to get a job, when his retirement plan - literally is - 'I think I'll inherit money from my mother'. I felt SO angry. I have worked so hard, I have no back up, he hasn't worked hard at all, he's racked up DUI bills on credit cards, etc. . . I got myself to a place where I realized I was just poisoning myself with my anger. So, I decided to think of it this way - just to keep myself sane: I am paying for my freedom. I am paying for my peace. I'm telling myself: wow - I have a mortgage, I am keeping the house, I am keeping the dogs, yes, I'll be poor for more than 3 years, eating off sales, etc., but I'll be free, and I'll be ok. Even if I have to sell the house - I am buying my freedom. And how many people in this world don't get to even own a house? So, even though it ISN'T fair, I reframed the thought process for myself. I am buying my freedom, I am buying my peace. I am taking care of myself. I am still struggling with the anger, the frustration, and it is not nearly over for me. But when I think of it this way, it helps me. I hope this helps. Good luck and take care of yourself - treat yourself to something - a good book, a movie, a good dinner, something nice, because you deserve it.
That is exactly what I am doing...I am paying for my freedom...and I have to stop expecting that good things will happen just because I am a good person...it is just not in the nature of things sometimes.
I have not exactly learned to dance in the rain just yet, but maybe as I said on a different post...maybe just tapping my foot.
Please post an update when you are able! I can only imagine how frustrating this is for you! Thinking of you today hugs p ;)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I hope things went well for you in Court. I'm in the process of a divorce, and in a similar situation. I'm also trying to look at it in the same way as Iris. You know what? My peace and sanity is WELL worth the money. :)
