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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> "Do you still want to be married to me?"
Post Info TOPIC: "Do you still want to be married to me?"
stephaniej


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"Do you still want to be married to me?"
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On Sunday, after my husband's horrible outburst of Saturday night, he was clearly in a shame spiral.  He apologized repeatedly for his behavior (I told him I appreciated his apology, and made it clear I didn't want to keep discussing it over and over again).  At one point he asked me "do you still want to be married to me?"  I didn't even think...I simply answered "yes," in that moment because I could not handle any sort of confrontation that would come from even a hesitation.

 

But later in the day I thought back to that question, and asked myself...do I?  And the answer I came up with was, right now, yes, I do still want to be married to him.  I do NOT still want to be married to the alcohol.  And it gets harder and harder every day to keep them separate, as it gets harder and harder to detach from his behavior as that behavior becomes more abusive.



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Pushka


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Hugs stephanie, I emphasize so throughly with the statement. All I know to do is continue to take things one day at a time. Much hugs and support p ;)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Lindaoakford


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RE: "Do you still want to be married to me?"
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I can relate to what you are saying here.
When I came to these boards I was looking to divorce, or at least find out if I should divorce etc.
In October, I decided to give it one year. Be accepting of what happens in that year and see where I am in October 2012 in regards to wanting to be married or not.
IN the mean time, I have chosen to stay married to my husband and his to accept his addiction.
so far so good... I am happy to be married for the moment. Which is good cos I only married in September 2010

I hope you find the answers to your questions.

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Linda - a work in progress
Debilyn


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I relate one hundred per cent. His turning into a monster, was when I could let it die.

hugs,debilyn



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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glad


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wow almost all my post since 08 revolve around this question... as strongly as possible I would say to get to alanon face to face meetings and make yourself the strongest person you can be in every single little way of life. every little way, as happy with yourself and your God as you can personally be ( I was so hurt I could not even fully understand this concept of me being happy)  and then make that decision... whatever happens then, you will have peace and strength... I did not fully take this idea to heart, and I promise I wish I would have been able to...for me,, after he is gone,, even though it was a bad relationship,long over now and I want to move on with life, I feel all kinds of sadness I did not expect. 



-- Edited by glad on Wednesday 18th of January 2012 08:15:31 AM

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maryjane


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You only have to be married "one day at a time". For today, I choose to stay married. I reserve my right to change my mind on any given day. Maybe something tomorrow or next week or next year will make me decide I don't want this anymore. I can learn to live my life detached from him for the present. When you know, no one will be able to talk you out of it. You WILL know.

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maryjane
hotrod


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Dear Stephanie

I love the responses you have received. I did my marriage one day at a time

for 24 years. At each anniversary I would ask myself the same question and then marvel that I had achieved another year.

I must say without the alanon tools and the support of this program I would not have been able to stay married until my husband passed.

Alanon saved my marriage and life. Keep coming back and using the tools



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
amills4294


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maryjane wrote:

You only have to be married "one day at a time". For today, I choose to stay married. I reserve my right to change my mind on any given day. Maybe something tomorrow or next week or next year will make me decide I don't want this anymore. I can learn to live my life detached from him for the present. When you know, no one will be able to talk you out of it. You WILL know.

 This is great ESH - I need to post this in my office... where my spouse can't see it! LOL... I work from home but this is the only way I can operate.



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yanksfan51


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Hi I am new here but this post hit me hard! I love the wisdom of staying married just for today; I keep asking my HP for a sign to let me know when enough is enough.  I know that life will continue as it has for me for the past 20yrs unless I make the change.  We have three kids and I struggle to reconcile what would be best for all of us (including AH).  This is the very longwinded version of me saying...I hear you! And stay strong



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