The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It's been a rough stretch for me, as my AH's emotional abuse has escalated dramatically over the last two months. But tonight I'm feeling grateful and reflective about many things, and I feel so optimistic about my ability to be healthy, emotionally AND physically.
I found this website about a year and a half ago, in the midst of what I felt was my rock bottom. I was obssed with my AH, constantly spying and snooping, trying to control...actions that we all know destroy our serenity.
The ESH I received here, and the beginnings of my work on the Al Anon program brought me through that dark period, and now I rarely, if ever, even think about snooping/spying.
Part of what I'm learning about "progress, not perfection" is that it's not just about backsliding on the snooping/spying issue. It's about all the other issues I uncover as I work the program. I beat that rock bottom, but I've had so many others over the last 18 months. Each one has been such a learning experience, and I'm discovering that each one is a blessing in its own way (although it is still VERY hard to see it as a blessing while I'm in the midst of it).
I am not perfect. I mess up all the time. I make the wrong choices, and I say the wrong things. But I am so proud of my progress, and of how hard I have worked. I am learning to love myself, and I never, ever thought that was possible (because I never thought I deserved it).
Something I have learned and have heard someone else share is there will always be a "new" rock bottom. The good news is we will never fall as far as we did during that initial rock bottom. It's like a new level of understanding. What a wonderful program you are working!! Thank you for the share!! Hugs p ;)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Love your share and seeing the building of your self esteem. We are not perfect and this is a program of progress not perfection.
Please remember we may crash to what seem like another "rock bottom" but unlike before you have new tools to climb out and you know the way this time The 12 Steps and meetings.
In order for change to be effective it takes time and practice. You are doing fine
Keep showing up for you
-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 18th of January 2012 08:31:20 PM
-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 18th of January 2012 08:32:04 PM
I love this post. I think that's what recovery is all about - it's about the journey, not the end result. It's about the acceptance that there IS no perfection, which is not what I ever believed before I got here.
For me, the concept of "rock bottom" is just a snapshot in time. I have no way to predict the future. I don't really know ultimately what THE rock bottom is. I just know I appreciate when I'm in a better place than before.
We are not perfect and this is a program of progress not perfection.