"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

MidwesternMom · Member

Really Scared of My First Meeting

White Rabbit · ~*Service Worker*~

I was scared to go to my first meeting too. I think we all are, you're certainly not alone.

No, you absolutely don't have to tell your whole story. You don't have to say anything in fact. If it's a discussion meeting, you can simply introduce yourself by first name only, and say that you'd like to listen. You'll be welcomed and encouraged to come back, but nobody will ever pressure you into sharing. We all recover at our own pace. I am very shy and introverted. I think it was close to a year before I shared anything at all in a meeting.

The people who regularly attend the meetings will know each other, and there will probably be a friendly and happy spirit amongst them. In time, you can be part of that too - at your own pace and when you are ready.

There are regularly newcomers at my meetings - not just newcomer meetings, but all meetings. It's not a prerequisite to attend particular meetings before other meetings. If the meetings tonight are what you can get to, go to those by all means. I, personally, never went to newcomer meetings.

Good luck, and rest assured that your nerves are completely normal. Deciding to do something for yourself and then following through is major. We get so stuck on taking care of others that taking care of ourselves feels new and foreign. Don't worry too much about the details of it, just go and take away whatever you can. The second meeting will be much easier. Oh - and just FYI - if you don't understand portions of the meetings, it's perfectly normal. I didn't understand about the steps and traditions and some of what was said in my first meeting was foreign to me. It's okay. When you keep coming back, you keep taking away more and more of the details. It just takes time.

Good for you for taking this important step, and please let us know how your first meeting goes!

rrib · Senior Member

You'll be OK. You'll probably be asked for your 1st name and if you'd like to talk but you do not have to tell your story or say anything if you don't want to.

If you mention its your 1st meeting, the others will talk about what got them to come to Al-Anon.

Just go. You'll be glad you did.

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

I echo everything that White Rabbit said...

Meetings are awesome, and in due time, you'll wonder how you could have ever waited so long, to finally get to one...

Enjoy, and share if you feel comfortable in doing so - or just listen and take it all in...

Take care

Tom

danni · Senior Member

I'm sending you support! I was terrified my first meeting. And so sad. I felt like I was betraying my husband. I didn't realize that it wasn't about demonizing the drinker, but helping myself. I saw people looking happy, and I couldn't believe it. I never met a more understanding, compassionate group of people. I don't think it matters if it is a newcomer's meeting. It matters that you are going. If you live in an area with many meetings, you can try different meetings, as each meeting has its own feel and flavor. You can share as much or as little as you are comfortable. I sobbed through the first few months of meetings. Just keep coming back. It really does work, and it really does help.

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

I agree I was terrified of the first meeting I went to, even the third try into alanon. I was afraid of looking foolish and stupid, even that I was going to cry. I did cry and found out that as I kept going to meetings at some point everyone cries and the roof did not cave in. Yes people who have been going for years and people who have been already going will know each other. That is ok. As you attend and find that meeting that fits for you, it's going to just click. For me I had to force myself to go because social things are hard for me, that meant more than 6 meetings. I'm so grateful I did and it's so wonderful that you are taking the first steps to a healthier you!!! Hugs p ;)

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

I meant to add that some areas do not offer new comer meetings and while that is a great service to have we have a mixed bag of long timers and new comers.

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I am glad you are going and don't worry about what to share or not, it will all work itself out as you feel the need to share or not. Al-anoners are known for their understanding and love. Great move on your part! Keep up the good work!

rehprof · ~*Service Worker*~

we all need to remember what it's like to be with a new group...one which may already be established....

midwestern...someday you will be an old pro at this...and you will be the one to reach out to someone else who is afraid...that is the miracle of alanon...

trust the universe...and go...

it may not be a perfect experience...but you never know what you might get out of it unless you give it a go...

sending you courage...

Jen · ~*Service Worker*~

I was nervous when I went to my first meeting, too. You'll be fine. Give it a few times and you will feel like part of the group. If you don't want to share, just say you'd like to listen this time.

I am so happy you are taking this step. Face to face meetings are a big part of recovery.

Sending you support.

Jen

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Mom...I also wish your first meeting goes good. Anything new and about change is at first uncomfortable and fearful to many and everyone there like so many here understand that because it is what we also went thru. If you want to share something honest ...tell them it's your first meeting and your scared and then let them go at it. You're loved before you even arrive. (((((hugs))))) ...oh and come back and tell us how it went. smile

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

hi, hey I would think most of us were leery at first. It's something new and unknown. Good for you for coming here to ask!

Every meeting is different and ya never know who knows who until you have gone awhile.

Al Anon people are usually very friendly becuz they share such a common situation, and are usually in pain.

You go in, sit down at a table or however they do it. They usually read the 12 steps and traditions. Then the person doing the directing that day, asks who wants to share. People raise hands or say I will. NO you do not have to say a thing!

We stay quiet thru every share, no interrupting. As this is a place for us to get it out. Every share is like that. Then at the end of the meeting most of the time people talk about stuff. Some go on to coffee or whatever. In time it will feel like home.

I sat thru many without talking. I smile a lot and look at people in the eye. That is just me. I don't like the hugging thing. But its no big deal.

People want newcomers.

Hope this helps ya some. Just wear comfy cloths, bring something to drink if you like. We are there with you in spirit! love,debilyn

MeTwo2 · ~*Service Worker*~

You may already be at the meeting because it's later as I type this, but I drove past the building where the meeting was several times before going in. Today, (after five years at minimum) I welcome Newcomers and am so grateful when they show up. Every new person is a gift to me too. There's So much for me to learn from everyone, and the great thing is, just sharing our experience is what does it. There's no special format and no right answer; we can never tell our own story wrong. We also get to be the ones to decide if and when we want to share .. I hope you give it at least 6 meetings before deciding if the meetings are right for you ..

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

there are no musts in our program , if you dont want to or arent ready to share simply say I would like to pass . remember that everyone in that room is there for the same reason you are , they love an alcoholic . good luck Louise

MidwesternMom · Member

I went and had a really great experience. I almost skipped it, but read all the replies to my post and decided it couldn't hurt to go.

It was much bigger than I expected. There was at least 30 people there. We broke into groups and just a few people helped me with orientation. It was like a mini newcomers meeting. I really appreciated that.

I'll definitely be going back next week.

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs!! Congrats and I'm soooo glad you took the risk and went!!

Hugs P :)

danni · Senior Member

I'm so glad! Good for you! Literally :)

White Rabbit · ~*Service Worker*~

Oh YAY!!! I got back on here just to see if you updated about your meeting! I'm glad you went and it was a positive experience. It's a real relief to not feel alone anymore!

ythannah · Senior Member

Glad you went!

I'm late to the thread, but I just wanted to say that I was sooooo scared of going to that first meeting that it kept me away for about 25 years!

I've been in Al-Anon a little over two years now and I loved it so much that I dived in with both feet (not my usual style, lol). Within months I was chairing meetings, and became the Group Rep last year.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"