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I am being pressured by my AS to give him money so he can take this girl on a "date" . #1 I don't believe him that it is for a date. #2. I truely have no money to give him.
I told him "no" and he won't let it go. He was in his room texting me and just keeps it going . He is so desprete that he asked me to ask his 72yr Old grandmother for money. I was so angry at this, that I told him that was horrible , that I would not ask her and that I was turning my phone off.
His grandmother at times when he was living on his own would give him 10.00 I really want to call her and ask her not to give him any money if he calls her but would that be controling? I am holding to my boundries of not giving him any money. I told him if he had a job then he can do whatever he wants with his own money but I do not have money to give him so he can go have fun!!
Good for you for sticking to your boundary (and reminding him of the benefits that could come from having a job & his own money).
It's great that phone's have an off switch, peace!
He will now have to look inside himself for solutions.
He may or may not ask his grandmother..... she may or may not enable him. Of course he would rather you ask her so he doesn't have to feel bad about it.
Don't react comes to mind...... if he sees you are playing no part in it, refusing to engage in emotional blackmail......(ie shell give me the money so I won't have to ask G'ma) he'll soon get tired of asking.
My life is always easier if I stick to my own side of the street and let others take care of theirs.
I did not call Grandma I just let it go, He stopped asking for money and started asking for a ride to town I told him no I had no plans to go to town, so he got mad and I guess walked to town in this snow storm he didn't say that he was leaving. I really want to call him but I am pretty sure that is why he didn't tell me he was leaving. I am asking myself my reasons for wanting to call him..
Actually it keeps getting better, He called me said he had gotten a ride to town but the girl he was suppose to meet stood him up and the person who gave him the ride to town left and he has no way home. I held to what I told him earlier, that I had no reason to go to town, I have to say though I am very concerned about him walking in this snow storm it is getting very cold out and night time is coming. He has about 8 miles to walk to get home. He has a black coat and walking in the dark on this mountain road has me sick to my stomach
Since you posted a while ago I hope he has found a safe haven by now. I think if I were in your shoes I would advise him to stay in town for the night until he can get a ride back from a friend tomorrow.
When put in the role of a child and treated like a child, a grown adult will act like a child. (I do know you didn't cause this and I empathize...truly). It's good that you are sticking to your boundaries, but they are boundaries appropriate for a child who didn't earn his allowance. Those are not boundaries for an adult. When you house him and provide him with rides, a place to live, you are already handing money to him so really you are just saying "I will give you money for this and that, but not this and that." A firm boundary is "I am giving you no money or help until you help yourself." Even after he might choose to get help, giving him a place to live and such is still risky because he needs to be sober so he can grow up, earn his way in the world, and have a life. That is why halfway houses exist. People don't go to halfway because they have no family to take them in. Anyhow, you raised him. You did the best you could. You don't need a forever child. Getting into arguments over his childish behaviors is futile while you still have him in the role of a child.
I am sorry if this sounds judging. I don't mean it that way as I know it must be gutwrenching to have your child floundering this way.
