The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My siginificant other and I joined forces in business almost 4 years ago. She's the licensed professional, and I'm the marketing guy. Despite her 4th stage alcoholism, we've been able to grow the business successfully, and we're set to have the best year ever.
I finally became wise enough to try alanon about 6 months ago. By my practicing detatchment she finally entered treatment last month, a 21 day in-patient program. I attended the last 3 days as part of the family program. I learned a lot.
We live about 30 minutes apart, and live together part-time. (I have two young teens that I will not expose to her on my custody days).
She's been home for less than a week, and learned she relapsed today when she called me while drunk. I kept the conversation short, and did not engage her, although she was very rude. Needles to say I feel devastated.
Detatching from her and not enabling means loss of business for us, and in some cases puts us in a liability situation.
What can I say to her, what kind of rules can I possibly set?
So very sorry that your partner has relapsed after retuning from rehab. I understand your concern with the business and by detaching in this business situation, you should be able to gain clarity as to the next right action for the business after discussing the situation with your , liability insurer, accountants and lawyers. Once you know how you would like to proceed then you can propose a solution to your partner
As for maintaining your intimate relationship , please keep using Alanon tools, meetings, steps, slogans. They saved my sanity and life
Thanks for sharing your positive use of the Al-anon tools!.....great awareness and loving detachment....I always appreciate reminders, helps keep me focused and willing to practice, practice, practice!
I agree with Hotrod re looking at the legalities of it all which will enable you to form a plan B, make informed choices, should it be necessary.
This relapse may be short or long, who knows, they're going to do what they're going to do.
Being in business with an A will always have it's risks......so I guess it's a case of looking at risk management, both for professional and emotional health.
Welcome! I am very glad you are here and sorry to hear of your painful disappointment today. You have already gotten great esh, and I encourage you to keep coming back and keeping up the good work. I try to remember to have faith in my higher power, so I don't slip down the slippery slope of fear. Having practical safeguards in place is empowering as well. When things really don't go the way I want them to, I read from Just for Today. "Just for today I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my 'luck' as it comes, and fit myself to it". Easy does it. do you have what you need to get through the next 12 hours? When I am in crisis, I try to just get through the next 12 hours and delve into the more complicated matters the next day so my mind and spirit have a little time to process the intense feelings. hugs sparky.
Sparky this is a job for Sponsor Man!! and HP and the program and still do you have one...Sponsor that is? If you have a male sponsor that sponsor may have very nearly same experiences as you are having now...maybe not and it will be a face to face live person. She's been drinking and you both have been having a great year...she relapsed and that means the end of the business? It was easy for me to project doom and gloom when my alcoholic/addict wife was using and relapsing and such and I had great sponsorship and a greater HP with a solid Al-Anon program in a Tri-Valley CenCal area. Trust HP and the program and sponsorship...all of it and try not to "project". If she got into any kind of rehab program it will make her continued drinking just that much more difficult to do.
Alcoholism runs on fear...inside of it and outside of it...don't cave into the fear...substitute the opposite of fear...love.
Don't know if you have this in US or not but yrs ago I was in business with a practicing alcoholic , so we set up a Joint Venture , business literally divided in half , she had an acct and I had one we also had a business account where we paid all the bills from , we were to contribute equally to business acct , eventually partner did not meet her end of the bargin so I could have taken over her half no problem , but i chose to buy her out .. we had the business evaluated and parted company . Louise
