The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
First of all, thanks everyone for all your support. It was immensely helpful. My AH came home last night. He called in the afternoon, and I told him I was uncomfortable not knowing where he was and what his plan was. He said he was coming home. So he did, gave me a hug, said he missed us, and i felt...surprisingly little. I guess since Ihad let go of so much of my neediness and fear, I was spared any overwhelming feelings of relief upon his return. I like that. I am feeling resentful of "being put through" his leaving, but I remind myself that I am powerless over him and can only control how I handle it, what I decide is acceptable to me, and how I choose to frame this in my thinking. I'm confused and feel let down by how he handled this, but Live and Let Live. My side of the street is pretty clean (Progress, not Perfection), and today I'll sweep up the last little bits into the dust pan. I am so grateful for Al Anon, my sponser, this site, the outreach calls, the literature... A year ago, this would have devestated me. Thanks again everyone.
Thank you for the update. I love how you responded by taking care of you. The result that follwed , your feelings changed as you practiced this program. This one of the best gifts of alanon.
You are a Miracle in Progress.
-- Edited by hotrod on Saturday 14th of January 2012 10:45:36 AM
It's amazing to look back and see how much change happens in such a short time. Thanks for sharing your program with us here.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Hi Danni, you're handling all this with a lot of courage, and doing so well staying grounded in a difficult situation. It is amazing how much strength the tools of Alanon give in situations like this. You're doing great - keep sharing!
You are making a lot of progress Danni and a I applaud you. Once you get past all your own fears about him leaving and such, then you see him and the behavior for what it is. His behavior is childish, selfish, and hurtful. What responsible parent gets to just take off and ponder life when they have a 2 and 5 year old? Also, it would seem that you kind of know now that he is never going to go off and find happiness without you. At this point, he needs to be sober or he will just find more misery with different causes and in a different place. Lots of times before I got sober I tried moving, changing relationships...blah blah...all these frantic efforts to find happiness and relief when what I needed was to stop drinking and stick with AA.
Of course having resentments are bad, but I do think it is progress for you to have moved from a reaction of "If you act this way I will die...boohoo....no!!!!" all the way to "When you act this way it pisses me off and I'm about done with it." - Not trying to put words in your mouth but trying to paraphrase what seems to be a shift in your attitude. This means that you are changing, growing and getting stronger... You are no longer leaning on a busted crutch (him) and trying to walk right. You are walking on your own :)
