AH took off for a few days - Al-Anon Family Group

danni · Senior Member

AH took off for a few days

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs Danni,

I am so sorry that this situation is so confusing and I fully get the fear of what if someone else can fix him or am I really that bad for him? issues going on. Those are our own old tapes playing. It probably is an escape of sorts what I sooo encourage you to do is keep the focus on you. Be gentle with yourself. You have such a wonderful program and you know what you need to do. I understand it doesn't make everything all better, at least you know you aren't alone that's a huge thing.

Take the time to find out what your options are at least legally, money wise and so on. I find for me knowledge is power and it helps me be calm in the face of uncertainty. For me I'm a reality girl so it just helps me deal with the what is. I hope you have a meeting to go to sooner than later as well as a sponsor.

Easy does it, Hugs P :)

Jackie11 · ~*Service Worker*~

Sending hugs and support!!! I like what Pushka said about knowledge is power, I so agree with this!!!

It's less scary when you have the information that you need. Be gentle with you!!!

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

Remember, equally you might like your life better without someone who leaves a mom with two young kids to take care of, single-handedly on no notice, and doesn't even leave a good way to get a hold of him. I'm not saying that you should leave him or not leave him -- what I mean is that he would be entirely justified in thinking that this "few days" also gives you time to think about what you want your life to look like. The power is not all in his hands. You also have power. And if he's not stepping up to the plate, he should remember that he shouldn't take you for granted. When he leaves, he takes the chance that you might think about his actions. Just my thoughts. Take care of yourself.

Jennifer · ~*Service Worker*~

I had a very hard time when my exAH would leave for days at a time, sometimes with notice sometimes without. At first I was in the habit of spending the whole time with my focus on what he might be doing, what may happen or safety concerns. But after some practice I used those times to care for myself, meditate and think about what i wanted and actually go do the things i wanted to. I understand what you are feeling in many ways. Try to practice keeping the focus on you and your children to have a nice weekend.

Jen

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I can relate to this share. I hope you are able to make some meetings and read some Al-anon literature to help take care of yourself. Take good care of yourself and your kids during this time. I am sending you love and support!

nyc018 · Senior Member

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I remember the first time my AH took off for a whole night after I confronted him about his drinking. There was not a word until the next morning. The worry, resentment, and other assorted feelings of abandonment made me sick and angry. I think you did great to answer the way you did and let your AH take charge of his actions. And I know how hard it is because for me it was very hard to resist the urge to ask my AH to stay when he'd do things like that. But part of the growth process is doing things that don't necessarily come naturally at first - and you did that and I think that took a lot of courage.

Hard as it seems at first, sometimes time apart - be it a day, month, or however long necessary, can be a blessing. I have found that for me, time apart from my AH has given me the chance to live without constantly fretting over him, and it has put the onus of responsibility for his actions back on him. I'm separated and I'm not suggesting this is the course of action that you ultimately want or should take, but sometimes a little breathing room in such situations can be refreshing.

I'm glad you're reading the literature and going to meetings. I wish I'd found those sooner - but it has been infinitely helpful. Keep taking good care of yourself and your children.

Sending you much support,

nyc

Michelle814 · ~*Service Worker*~

danni, thinking of you right now and as Pushka says you work a wonderful program.. so many days I have read your words and felt lighter.. Now this post is odd for me because I am on the opposite end of this.. I wanted to pack up and leave today.. I had to remind myself the resentment and anger that was swirling above my head like a storm cloud was from past incidents of worrying what others think which we all know is none of our business... In the end I did not leave and I apologized to my AH for a few harshly sounding words spoken. Sometimes people need some space and time and I know that is hard because you have children and the load is all on your then... you never know what can happen with some soul searching... it may appear bad but end up being great.. you did the right thing turning to al-anon, a wise woman once told me.. "when your husband is slipping that is when you turn to your literature, meetings, friends... put your nose in an al-anon book and not in his business." You are so strong, danni, hang in there. were all here for you.

danni · Senior Member

Thanks everyone. All of your esh has brought me to tears. I'll be rereading your shares all day. Thanks againl

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

"Entre Nos," I watched this movie last night and was so amazed by it. It is a true store of a gal with two kids almost your kids ages, who's husband abandons them.

They are from Columbia,stuck in NY! Was on Netflix. You can get netflix free for the first month btw.

Anyway you made me think it may be something you want to see.

I could never understand how my Ah back when I was in my twenties could just go to a party, leave me home with the kids, to go get drunk.

Knew nothing of addiction. Just did not relate at all. I grew up when I had the kids.

We just cannot depend on them ever. It is seriously insanity to do so.

Maybe this time will be calm, quiet, serene. Maybe you will have thoughts you never have before.

Relax your elbows, breath deep and slow, stretch, get into a nice clean bed.

Play with the kids while you feel good cuz all you have to do is think of is you.

Sadly A's are sad whatever they do, where ever they go. so no worries there. No they won't meet anyone, get clean and live happily every after. What you wantfor you.

day at a time. you don't even have to think if you don't want to. I would read The Farside. Watch Uncle Buck.

anyway hugs, glad you came here and shared!!!! love,debilyn

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"Entre Nos," I watched this movie last night and was so amazed by it. It is a true store of a gal with two kids almost your kids ages, who's husband abandons them.