selfish emotions - Al-Anon Family Group

Lindaoakford · ~*Service Worker*~

selfish emotions

Too hard · Senior Member

Hi Linda

Your comments:

"Xmas and New Year are over so back to normal life.

I am worried that again, the boys will get together, smoke again.

I feel melancholy... and vulnerable .......and overwhelmed.

Lots of buttons being pushed."

Plus you are back working as the counsellor!

No wonder you feel vulnerable Linda...you certainly have a lot on your plate.

I wonder how you hold it all together sometimes.

Be 'self only' just for a bit ....runaway to the beach for an hour,

but watch out for the crocs.

T.H.

Lindaoakford · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks TH
The counsellor bit - I will just explain a little.
I worked as a Nurse/Counsellor for a number of years for drug and alcohol misuse
I am now doing my Grad Dip in counselling (AOD) (I often ask why?????)

Most of the people in my life now see me as a counsellor as opposed to a Nurse because of that so they come to me.

Currently my actual paid employment is a an Education Consultant for Nurses in the field of AOD and Mental Health.

My job is pretty cruisy.

My friend came to be because she knew I would put my Nurse/Counsellor hat on and assist her without judgement.

Its times like these I wish I still had access to 'supervision' but I don't.

All these people are having such a hard time and all I can think about is me... what is with that?? Is it the BPD??? Or am I just selfish.

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

What strikes me is that you expect yourself to give and give and not take much for yourself, and if you don't, you regard that as selfish... There are always people far needier than we are. There are people starving and in terrible situations and we can always find some to make us feel bad if we want to. But it's not a zero-sum game, it's not a competition and only the ones who suffer extreme agony "win" and deserve any compassion or care. Remember the instructions about putting on your own oxygen mask first. I have to say I don't see people on these boards giving too little of themselves to others. Not anyone.

I wouldn't want to deny compassion to anyone, but I do notice that people who are heavily into addictions are the ones who are the least able to give compassion and help back. So if we spend a lot of our time taking care of friends and family with addictions, what happens when we're in need? It seems to me that healthy communities consist of give and take, not give and give. And each of us builds our own community.

Just my thoughts, take what you like and leave the rest.

Jozie · ~*Service Worker*~

((((((((((Linda))))))))))))

Im Sorry but i Missed the "Selfish" part, its sounds "Too ME" if anyone is Selfish it is the ones that Overwelm you knowing what you have on your Plate already...

For Me, I Do My Very Best ..."Day by Day" Not to Project the "What Could Happen if the Pot head comes around, Or What Might Happen if Her & I Are Firends" I Am Not God & Its not like I can Control it anyway... One Day at a TIME...

I Can So VERY Much Relate on the "Nurse/Counsler Hat" you were for some Friends, I have an Employee I think Should PAY ME! Everyday it is More Drama, More Help Me Make a Decision.. & For the Longest time, I Played Right along... I Thought I was Being Supportive/Kind... Turns Out, He was Using My Words to Run HIS Life, My Thoughts were Guiding Him because He didn't want to Step up and Control his Own Life! Since i Joined Al-Anon, I Finally realized how Sick that Relationship was, and when He Starts, I just say... "oh that is To Bad... Maybe you should talk to a Counsler" He doesn't ask Near as many Questions, and I'm Not Ruid about it, I just Needed to Get Out of His LIfe... And BACK to MINE!

Its Easy for me to Give Myself away to Others, and I So Very Much Understand the feeling of "Selfishness" I don't have access to a beach, but I do have a Piece of Property that is Down by the River, and when I am there, it is Serene, and Yet I Feel Selfish for havin that time to myself, I know that as long as I keep Working on Me, Those Feelings will Evenually Go Pick on Someone Else...

So In My "NON-Advise" lol... I would say... Hit the BEACH ... Enjoy Your Silence & Serenity, And Make it a Point to Do it as Often & as Much as Possible... I was once told, "If you Can Be there around the Clock for Someone Else, When You Going to Be there for YOU?"

Wishing You Calm, Serenity & Peace for YOU... Please Take what you like & Leave the Rest... Friends in Recovery...

Jozie

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Linda I relate so much. How can I gripe when so many have no food, or home or love?

But each one of us has our emotions and a right to how we feel. It has nothing to do with anyone else!

You sound like you are venting about your life right now. That is super healthy! If we did not vent, we would not have an MIP.

You are doing better as to the degree of stress you got from his friends using.

I don't know about the sex thing. Men are very different lol. I have read they still do "that" married or whatever. oh the niggy stuff I get too.

I got my internet all caught up and it is finally fixed and done right...I get a bill for a HUGE amount that is wrong. So now I gotta call again to be disconnected, no one knows what i am doing, or what to do. rrrrrr

those little things are a drag.

So what do you do about anti stressors besides walk your dog and read? Do you cook? sew? paint? watch movies, clean, eat neat stuff,shop? music???

not even going to say this is life get used to it. But just like dealing with an A, there are tools.

When it is the niggy things, I write down who I need to call and what I need to do. Then I do it all the best I can. Then forget it. I know it will be ok no matter what.

Lifes hassles we can come here and vent them out. Then again I make a decision, follow thru then leave it alone.

I could not and would not diagnose or work with a friend if I was in the medicine professional career. I could not and would not separate those kinds of emotions.

Its one thing to care very much for your patients and another to feel their pain.

You sound very professional I see ya doing fine.

Melancholy is a real emotion that we can just accept that is how we feel. I remember when I said to me, ok you are depressed so be depressed. Did not fight it, just went with it as if it were the flu.

You are doing the best thing sharing it. We need to get those poisons out of us.

I see you as a very complicated person with MANY things going on in your life and your desires. I cannot imagine you bored. Like your mind just goes and goes. OH by complicated I mean there are many sides to you. I like that.

Anyway all I know is I am glad you became part of the family here!

love,debilyn

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Linda,

Hugs, I can so relate to what you are describing about the emotional vulnerability. I feel like instead of just a small part of the onion being pulled away which is usually like a few cm's I felt like an entire inch came off. I also know it wouldn't have happened if I wasn't ready it just was overwhelming to have it all hit at once. Keep working on you and keep focusing on you, because look how far you have come. Maybe a nice walk on the beach is just what you need to center yourself or something where you pamper yourself in some way it's so important to be easy on ourselves as we go through these growing times. They aren't always easy to feel when we have spent so much time stuffing and ignoring what is going on with ourselves and focusing on others.

Anyway, you are doing a wonderful job and really need to just do some easy does it and take some time for just you.

Hugs p :)

Jennifer · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello Linda,

I do not find your thoughts or emotions selfish. I see identification of stressful parts of life, acceptance and working at detachment of the situations and a desire to care for yourself. In my experiences those tools are essential to becoming and remaining healthy :)

As i look out the window at the new snowfall your beach walking idea sounds lovely!

Jen

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