The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I think I just need to vent or put this in writing in order to think it through properly and was hoping for some support.
I think i'm just about done in this relationship as it is filled with lies, deceipt and a lack of respect. He continues to lie, has stopped going to meetings, thinks he can hide stuff from me. That part I think is the worst, being treated like you are stupid. Trying to ignore the behaviour, however, I'm young and I'm not sure that I can continue much longer in this current state without damaging my chances for savings for retirement and a happy future.
I've been going to the f2f meetings, and love those, reading online posts and reading the literature. I just feel that this is a one sided effort. There is a child involved which would be really hard to handle but if leaving is done properly, I think the effects could be minimized.
I know unconsciously I came to Al-anon to stop my wife from drinking. I know now that whether or not she drinks has nothing to do with me and what I do. You can't put the condition of someone else's sobriety on your happiness. I completely relate to the "lies, deceit and a lack of respect". In reality he is only lying, deceiving and disrespecting himself. Hope he gets better, but you need to take care of yourself and your child first, however that may be.
I am so happy for you that you found al-anon just as I am grateful I have found it. I have seen that the more emphasis I put on myself and my own recovery and the less I put on my husband's the happier I feel and the more serene I become. It is a wonderful feeling to know I am not completely powerless in this world.. because I can do for myself what I expected my husband to do for me now, I can make myself happy, and I can make the right choices for myself like going to meetings, talking with my sponsor, and meditating. That is empowering. Also it frees my mind when I put my husband's recovery in his HP's hands. You do not deserve to be treated like you are stupid but remember you are whatever you believe you are.. if you believe you are smart and beautifiul.. then you are.. he does not have the right to bring you down but you dont have to let him bring you down... you have that right to keep your head up no matter what lies anyone is feeding or how they are trying to make us feel.. its all part of a very tricky and powerful illness called alcoholism or addiction.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
What Dad said really spoke to me about making sure my motives for attending alanon really are what they should be which is not to change my situation (whomever and whatever that is) and to truly be focused on me and what is in my best interests. There is always that nagging deal in the beginning at least for me there was that when I went to alanon by golly I wasn't the one with the issue and the people in my life were going to change or else.
Keep taking care of you, keep working on yourself and keep the focus on you. I am so sorry that you are going through this as it's not easy.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
