The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My separated AH has been sober 43 days now. He went through an excellent rehab facility and he has been keeping with the program and consistently goes to AA meetings, sometimes 3 times a day. And he seems so dedicated to stay sober and it means so much to him. There was a time that i thought there was no way we could ever reconcile and that i would never put myself through all of that again, but seeing him be this changed person and so dedicated to it, makes me actually consider it. we have a 5 year old son who absolutely adores him and he is actually being the dad he was before which is completely involved and loving. I am just looking for a boost of faith and hope that people can actually stay recovered from alcoholism. Luckily, i never had to deal with violence or any kind of abuse or rage, i just dealt with him being completely non existent due to his drinkking which lead to marital and financial issues. I have some trust issues to overcome too, but i guess that will just take time. I just hope that this dedication to being sober continues and any words of encouragement or faith will be appreciated.
Welcome to MIP!!! I can relate because I also did not deal with violence or rage, just a non-existent, boring, sad, depressed husband who spent all my hard earned money. But the good news is there is hope and it is here in Al-Anon. It seems that over time most questions become answered just through working the program. So keep coming back, we're happy to have you.
-- Edited by Michelle814 on Tuesday 10th of January 2012 01:05:15 PM
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
I know that impulse just to know what the future will hold. But Al-Anon tells us that when in doubt, "Don't react." Recovery is very hard and longterm recovery even harder. That said, thousands of people achieve sobriety and keep it every year. My experience suggests that it's too early to know what the future holds for your A. The signs are good up to this point. But only time will tell. The good news is that time will tell. If he still has a good handle on recovery in a year, that will be even more promising; in five years, even more promising. But sometimes we (and the A) are so eager to put all the bad stuff behind us that we rush into things before we're really ready. My guess is that the answer to your dilemma is the saying "More will be revealed." And the more recovery you get under your own belt, the better you will be able to manage whatever comes down the pike. Hugs.
What I've heard said in alanon . is that it's reccommended not to make Life changing decisions for at least 6 months of working face 2 face meetings, literature and a sponsor, speaker meetings, etc.. Preferrably until after we do a 4th and 5th step for a clearer perception into doing things .. I know for me with my xa i would be thrilled if he actually worked his program and decided he wanted to come home .. What I personally know and have learned from experience though is that because the 2 of us have been so affected by this disease, when we come together we lose our focus on ourselves and put the focus on eachother's faults, etc.. and the relationship eventually becomes emotionally toxic .. The longer he is gone (and I miss him Terribly today) the more clear I am able to see things; I'm much quicker to catch the spiritual awarenesses and I work harder on my own recovery ... Never did matter how hard or much I tried to work my program in his presence, I never could control the disease of alcoholism between us .. I was Very much affected by his thinking .. When he would slip and use I would Automatically assume there was another woman because the behavior of the addict is much like another woman .. He had to lie to use; he had missed phonecalls etc.. and he was overspending, etc.. There were so many Secrets that I was Constantly sick .. We're As sick as in equal to our secrets .. Everytime there was a sober (nice) moment I wanted so much to believe him and so many times went against my innergut which was usually the guidance of my higherpower and lost myself in the process .. Noone can ever tell you what to do but the Answer for us All is to keep coming and sharing .. The solutions will be different for everyone .. Good luck .. Either way we're Always here for support .. Much serenity to you ..
-- Edited by MeTwo2 on Tuesday 10th of January 2012 02:52:47 PM
looking for a boost of faith and hope that people can actually stay recovered
Lot's of people show up at A.A. and never pick up another drink or drug. Relationships not only survive but turn healthy and get better, especially when both people are working a spiritual program.
Want proof? Go to some of the big A.A./Al-Anon rallies and events.
The 1st one I attended consisted of an A.A. speaker (Clancy, i think) and dinner followed by a dance. There were over 2500 people there. The meeting started with a prayer and some readings followed by a soberity countdown... all those with 6 months or more remain standing, 1 year or more, 5 years or more, 10, 20, 30 years. An eye opener for me!
