Feeling a little resentful today - Al-Anon Family Group

stopandchat · Senior Member

Feeling a little resentful today

nyc018 · Senior Member

I so relate to this. My AH's (from whom I'm now separated) drinking started to get really bad right around the time our son was born. It was awful - because that's precisely when I was most vulnerable. I had to take care of a newborn (which yes, is very hard) and deal with a downward spiraling and obnoxious spouse. It got worse from there until he had a breakdown last summer.

I was doing most of the childcare when he lived with us and even now, when he comes to visit, I feel I still am the one doing most everything. I often get resentful at how he has gotten a "free pass" here after everything he's caused.

I think your attitude is really good. Yes - focusing on "why" is frustrating - we'll never quite get a good answer. Sometimes if I'm walking in the bitter cold I just say to myself "keep on going, don't think about it" until I get inside a warm place. I liken it to that when I start to feel the inevitable resentments brimming. Just keep moving forward - it is what it is, but you can get through it.

Enjoy your daughter - this is a tough time but it will get easier.

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

I've experienced this, as well. Raising a child as, essentially, a single parent isn't an easy situation, but it is doable. For years, our daughter never napped - the time other Mom's would catch up on things....she is now 20, soon to be 21, making up for lost nap time by sleeping in late. lol I'm always her Mom first, but we're also best friends.

It is sad- your AH is missing the joys and rewards of these precious moments.

Do your best to focus on the next right thing- whatever is good for you and your baby; Do your best to take care of yourself.

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs,

Justified resentments are the hardest resentments to let go of, doing what is in your best interests will automatically pay off for your daughter.

They are only this age one time enjoy it as much as you can, it will pass (I often find myself going I thought THAT was hard .. LOL .. with time comes different perspective). My first born never napped .. LOL .. she had to be in the know of what was going on at all times. She is still that way to a point not as bad.

Being a single parent is not easy, be good to yourself first always.

Hugs P :)

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Hey I was alone too. I used to tell people, hey you won't even be able to walk to the mail box!

Ya know what I did? I declared it Raini's day and left everything else go. Did this with my son mac too. This time goes so darn fast. Right now you can hold your baby and watch and enjoy. Heck with the house work. who cares. It just does not matter.

When you go on in your life, you will think back, yea I had no clean cloths or dishes but oh I spent soooo much time holding my baby, going for walks.....

I carried both mine around in front packs. The slings now work well too. I would eat with them in it so they always had crumbs and stuff in their hair!

Heck with him. He is very sick. You are the fortunate one. We also picked them up when ever they cried. We got all kinds of bolony about that. Well guess what? my friends kids and mine are very secure and know innately they will always be ok.

Please please enjoy the wonder of it all. Nothing is more important in the world right now than you two! hugs,debilyn

Michelle814 · ~*Service Worker*~

Sending support your way, I cant imagine how hard that is but remember to focus on you so you can be healthy for your baby and getting to a meeting is a great idea.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.