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About to lose it. Stressed out and depressed. Starting feeling this way yesterday. I don't want to be around people b/c no one understand me. at all. My whole family parties and drinks. My cousin wants me to come visit her, her birthday was wednesday. I do want to see her and my other cousins but the problem is I am like a social hermit. Its not even the drinking, really. I mean, it is because I don't want to be around it really. I dont want to be sober and have drunk people all around me, falling and flaring and stinking. But more so than the drinking is just I am very closed socially right now and that is so unlike me. I used to be the absolute life of the party and now I would rather stay home, go for a walk, read my spirituality books, read my al-anon literature, hang with my husband. etc. I am struggling with this because I know I am worrying again what people think and this is one of my character defects, for sure. I know I need to give it to God.. that and the depression. It doesnt help that I am also feeling the pressure now of having no money. We got an unexpected bill of $95 and it will be two more weeks of scraping by just to buy toilet paper. I am very much struggling right now. I am in need of ESH and its been a long time since Ive requested that. I cried yesterday in the bathroom and I feel Im about to cry again today. My husband is very supportive but I dont want to go to the hardware store for bread. I know he has his own program to focus on. I feel Ive become a different person and in many ways its better but then I start to feel like Im a hermit and thats not healthy. What do I do? I can't afford to travel the two hours to visit my cousin, honestly, and she is talking about coming up next week. But is it healthy that I would rather stay home all weekend and paint, write, walk... is it right that I dont want to socialize.. maybe its more the drinking than I thought. Everyone I know goes out and parties.. and now I dont want to do that. My husband starts to say "you can do what you want to do, im the alcoholic, not you" I think he feels bad b/c I have not been going out and doing much but its honestly not him.. i dont want to be around it anymore and i hate drinking b/c the next day I feel horribly depressed and physically disgusting. I know this stuff is nothing compared to all ive been through but for some reason im really stressed and anxious just thinking about all this and I am really worrying about it. I know I need to give it all to my HP and say.. "if i feel like this all day than i feel like this all day, all week, but i cant control the feelings, they just are, so i am handing it over to you." I want to blink and snap and take it away and its not going to work like that. its a process. I am glad I have the tools though. I wish my sponsor was not out of town. any esh will help me today. Thanks.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
Not a good feeling to be worried about money, I know. Part of it is giving it up, but that is so much easier said then done sometimes!
What is your work schedule like, is there any chance you might find something close by that would give you a few hours a week and a few more dollars? I know I'm extremely fortunate that I can work 2 jobs and that my hours at my full time allow me to do this.
As for your cousin, perhaps you could set up a time during the day or even morning to meet up, or if she is coming to visit is it possible to explain that you are in a unique place right now and you won't be participating in _.
True friends understand when we need space and time. True friends listen and don't judge. I know that my true friends have been there for me through it all. I hope that you can just explain that money is way too tight and you are not able to join for social activities at this point in time.
I totally relate. It fluctuates, much like the ebb and flow of waves on a beach. Some days feel "good" and some feel "bad."
Maybe it's just life. Maybe it's just my brain. My brain is learning and un-learning. It's impossible for my brain not re-visit the old thinking I've had for over 40 years. For me, this is accepting my dis-ease... my brain.... for what it is. I came from an alcoholic family, I married an alcoholic... my brain knows insanity very well. It's like an old friend... annoying as she may be, lol
It helps when I acknowledge the "sadness" in me... just let it be there and don't panic. To me, there is VALUE in fear. I have fear this week, my daughter is in afghanistan, my dog suddenly can't walk and I just dropped $1300 on tests to find out why (still waiting), my dad has pneumonia and he is already fragile... anything can happen at any time to totally rock my world.... fear about losing my daughter, my dog, my dad, and my savings. Fear, Fear, Fear.
For me, it just brings me right back to my Higher power.
Today I am calm. Good meditations. Constant prayer. To me, "humility" in recovery, is just accepting what is and learning what I can from it. The difference between who I am today and who I was is that I don't panic and try to run away from it. I sit in the discomfort, I write about it, and I try to say to God, "okay, have your way then" or saying to the universe, "is that so?" or " so this is the way it's gotta be, eh?!" haha
When my character defects kick in and I find my life unmanageable.... Next step... came to believe. You do this well ((my friend)) you see the little miracles... the sky, nature all around... all little reminders that Life supports and loves you.... very, very much. It's all still there, I am here to remind you.
Be where you are, sweetie, you are okay. Life on life's terms, that's all.
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Glad you shared. I do believe that I changed after being in program and did not enjoy the same people and activities that I formerly loved.
It is a process and spending time, walking, reading and mediating was a gift of this program and felt so much better than going out gossiping and drinking. This is not isolating You are recharging your spirit. You are in recovery and are doing fine. Being honest with your sponsor and alanon group helps to clarify what is important to you and what you need to release.
I agree money problems are difficult to deal with do you have a food pantry that you can visit for essentials during this difficult time?
A word of encouragement, I needed to stop connecting with my family and a few friends because they all drink excessively and I did , just that for a few years. Today I find my tools are strong enough that I can spend some quality time with them and then leave in a few hours
You are on a journey of discovering your inner most self rand doing just fine
I think its perfectly normal not to want to drink,party and celebrate when you are up to your ears in worrying about debt. Saying no is a hard one. I had to learn how. None of us get to a point where it get easy but it gets easier.
Personally I don't spend too much time around people who drink, probably because their personality changes. I have done my research on this a lot, and find its easier not to. I also have a hard buget. This month is going to be a hard one for me. I have unexpected bills. Do you need to punish yourself for this?
I know what it is to obsess. Change is fine. No need to beat yourself up about it.
I am so glad you are reaching out for support. No is fine for people to hear! You don't need to explain anything.
Remembering that the word NO can be a complete sentence takes time , its ok to look after ourselves and stay away from situations that cause us stress , no need to justify or explain just NO.. One of my fav lines in our literature is * Other peoples opinion of me is none of my business * I was also told along time ago to please my self then at least one of us would be happy . I never forgot that one . Louise
dancing in the rain is a good ability...but sometimes...there's a MONSOON...and it's kinda impossible to dance until the proverbial winds and things let up a bit...
Batten down your hatches...go into emergency mode...I have an emergency emotional kit...a SAD light...my affirmations...tea...things that I turn to for comfort when things get bad...I only hang out with my emotionally "safe" people in these times...etc.
This storm will pass...and you KNOW you will be the first to appreciate it when the sun starts peeking out....
I'm sorry you're having a tough time. It sounds really stressful and even all these positive changes are stressful in their own way.
I can tell you that I have been feeling some of those same things, more closed socially than I was before. I have been spending a lot more time alone these last few months.
As Betty said, I have found myself no longer enjoying some of the people and activities that I used to. It was really, really hard, but I have separated from a group of friends that do a lot of drinking. I have been building new friendships slowly and really concentrating on being healthy.
In some ways, I have been feeling a little bit like in a cocoon. I've been spending a lot of time alone, at home, reading and thinking and meditating and it has been really good. It has helped me process the emotions and really focus on who I am and what I want. I've questioned whether I'm isolating too much, but I do try to balance it with time out with friends. I actually feel really good about this time in my life and give myself permission to spend this time alone.
With some people, I know the separation is temporary. For example, I just need some separation from my parents these days. I think that after a few more months go by and I have spent more time rebuilding my energy and exercising my new ways of life, I will be able to spend more time with them without feeling so upset.
I don't know if that will sound familiar or help, but maybe...
In any case, I hope you feel better soon. I think you are doing awesome!
Aloha (((Michelle))) did you just walk off the end of a pink cloud? Every thing was just hunkie dorrie and then the swamp...You got choices...do the funk badly or do the funk serenely...choices. One good choice is "to thine own self be true"...make your choices for whatever reason and go do them or not do the ones that you don't want to do. It's your to do list...Michelle's To Do List...post it on the pantry door and the do it.
Ever hear that depression is anger turned inward? I learned that about myself and went to work on it. Though I've had a lifetime relationship with Dysthymia (long term depression) it isn't near as masterful as before after I've learned there really isn't a hell of alot to be angry at me for. When I get depressed I check out the Dysthymia and then I check out my attitude about me...one I rest up for and the other I put a polish on.
I also had to separate from "all things alcohol" as instructed by my sponsor which included much of my family and my alcoholic/addict wife. It hurt at first. I was confused. I was sad. I resisted and cried. I practice it and now I am okay.
Hi everyone. I want to let you know that Friday night I had three girlfriends over, all of whom don't drink often and we were not drinking. My husband came home from his meeting and his friend came over as well. We all played games and talked. It was such relief because I felt like I was getting the social aspect that I obviously needed but I did not have to deal with any drunken chaos. Today I am spending the morning with my HP. I plan to meditate and then go for one of my walks. I feel so different than I did when I wrote this post and its because of the support I got on this site and the support I received from my husband. I did not go to the hardware store for bread. I know he has his own anxieties to work out and I cant trample him down with my stuff. But I did feel him in on my feelings and that I knew they would pass but right now I felt this way and he was very supportive and even said some rather profound things. Then I got on here Saturday and read your posts and it lifted a weight from me. I am going to have moments like this as everyone has experienced and someone said 'if you never doubt faith you have no faith at all' and that makes me think that its a beneficial thing at times that I get down like this because then I do the work to feel better. I think my HP knew I needed to socialize and laugh and he pushed me in that direction Friday night. Thank you everyone. I am off to spend the morning with my HP. I will be back later to read and comment. You are all such kind people.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
I never forgot that one . Louise